[Vision2020] A Modest Proposal

Art Deco deco at moscow.com
Fri Jun 18 12:57:15 PDT 2010


I have received an off-list reply from a justifiably disgruntled reader who rightly claims that by leaving out some facts in the message below that I have egregiously misrepresented the total picture of Cultmaster Douglas Wilson of the Christ Church Cult.

The reader is correct.  I deeply apologize for my omissions and any misimpressions they may have given rise to.  I hope the following will clear the record.

Here is some more information about the proposed 62 foot high Touchdown Wilson Statue:

The lower part of the statue will be hollowed out and will house the new worship area for the Christ Church Cult.

There are some real advantages of this construction.

1.    The worshipers will be rapturously uplifted knowing they are worshiping in the innards of their God.

2.    The structure is to be constructed of a composite of petrified bullshit.  The original smell of this material cannot be completely removed.  Hence, this smell may help cover and mitigate the near-lethal odors that may sometimes escape from the Cultmaster himself whose extravagant dietary adventures sometimes may make the escape of such odors inevitable.

3.    That the Cult will finally have a real place to worship will remove a great crippling stigma from the Cultmaster.  Even those of less than average faculties wonder:  If Wilson aspires to be a such great regional or national figure, why hasn't he succeeded in building a place of worship for his flock?  After so many years they still congregate in the gymnasium of a grade school!  Finally having a real church in the bowels of the Touchdown Wilson should go a long way to diminish the impression that Cultmaster Douglas Wilson is a clever charlatan but a hapless, colossal failure who can't even build a church for his worshipers.

Art Deco
[Wayne Fox]
  ----- Original Message ----- 
  From: Art Deco 
  To: Vision 2020 
  Sent: Thursday, June 17, 2010 6:37 PM
  Subject: [Vision2020] A Modest Proposal


  Brothers, Sisters, and Children of All Ages of Vision 2020,

  All of us, whom I am sure are heart-renderingly decimated by the recent destruction of the most holy Touchdown Jesus in Ohio, now have grounds for great, great rejoicing.

  A proposal has been put forth that the Christ Church Cult should erect a Touchdown Wilson right here in Moscow, Idaho.

  This statue would mimic the Touchdown Jesus in that it would be a torso of Cultmaster Douglas Wilson in a touchdown signaling pose.  But this 62 foot statue would not be made of some cheap, sacrilegious material like fiberglass, but most symbolically, would be made from an indestructible composite of petrified bullshit.

  The statue would be located on the triangular lot already owned by the cult on Jackson Street (the lot now worth about a third of what was paid for it, and which would have been a perfect place for a Sonic Burger).

  What a tourist attraction the Touchdown Wilson would be!  Everyone passing through the city would see and be rapturously and reverentially inspired by it.  They would be left with no doubt about who the real God is.  Maybe the crafty Walter Steed could find a way to flimflam the city into partially subsidizing the statue as a reward for the votes delivered for him by Wilson in past elections.

  I haven't met anyone opposed to this proposal, although some have tactfully suggested that Cultmaster Wilson should have his tonsure attended to by someplace other than the San Quentin barbershop before he poses for the statue.

  An enthusiast,

  Art Deco





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