[Vision2020] Ques. For you: What is Most Important in a Relationship?
Donovan Arnold
donovanjarnold2005 at yahoo.com
Thu Jul 19 20:21:12 PDT 2012
Thanks, Wayne. : )
From: Art Deco <art.deco.studios at gmail.com>
To: vision2020 at moscow.com
Sent: Thursday, July 19, 2012 7:58 PM
Subject: Re: [Vision2020] Ques. For you: What is Most Important in a Relationship?
Donovan,
I wish you the best in finding an exciting, yet comfortable, stable LTR.
w.
On Thu, Jul 19, 2012 at 6:44 PM, Donovan Arnold <donovanjarnold2005 at yahoo.com> wrote:
Thanks, Joe!
>
>I love the topic of free will too. I wrote a paper in my Logic and Critical Thinking class about free will. It was my favorite paper up to that point in college. I contended that free will was an illusion of sorts, and that we only thought we had free will. I proposed that all of our decisions were based on our genetics, past experiences, and the options we are given at that moment. I went through the "decision making process" and pointed out along the way how what we really thought was a choice of free will, was a choice made for us. The paper left a lot to be desired, by I enjoyed it for a sophomore in college project, and the professor gave me an A. I do think we have some free will depending on how we would define it, I just don't think we use it very often and many things we think are free will, are actually things we do for reasons other then we believe we do them.
>
>Donovan J. Arnold
>
>
>From: Joe Campbell <philosopher.joe at gmail.com>
>To: Donovan Arnold <donovanjarnold2005 at yahoo.com>
>Cc: Scott Dredge <scooterd408 at hotmail.com>; viz <vision2020 at moscow.com>
>Sent: Thursday, July 19, 2012 4:56 PM
>
>Subject: Re: [Vision2020] Ques. For you: What is Most Important in a Relationship?
>
>
>Another great post, Donovan! And you nail it on the head when you say
>that you can't be in a relationship without changing someone. This
>gets to the heart of my favorite topic: the problem of free will and
>determinism.
>
>Can you be determined to change and still change freely? That is the
>question. There is always influence. Is the influence in accordance
>with your will (something about which you were in control, and could
>have refused if you had wanted to) or against it (forced upon you, you
>were hypnotized, you were asleep, etc.)?
>
>I'm not saying that's the only question; I'm just fixated on free will. Joe
>
>On Thu, Jul 19, 2012 at 3:29 PM, Donovan Arnold
><donovanjarnold2005 at yahoo.com> wrote:
>> Joe, Chas, and Scott,
>>
>> Thanks for your input, it is very insightful and does help me. I am pretty
>> much in grammar school when it comes to close personal relationships. Joe, I
>> do not think any one more prominent than you would ever be so willing to
>> officiate a wedding for me. So, yes, if that event does occur in my life,
>> you would be the first I would ask after a Catholic Priest (as I am Catholic
>> so I would have to at least ask), which I know he will not approve or
>> preform a same sex marriage for at least another 300-700 years as they
>> follow behind social progress. : )
>>
>> Scott had some very good advice. Many things I didn't think about. I like
>> the idea too, of separating the accounts and deciding how to fund each
>> account, then you don't have overdrafts or someone mad running up the bill
>> and taking all the money every time there is a spat. I was thinking the best
>> way to do it would be split the major shared living bills, like rent, car
>> payments, cable, Internet, city services and utilities in proportion to your
>> incomes but keep your monies in two different accounts.
>>
>> Chas is always a good person to listen to I think as well when it comes to
>> personal relationships, especially for me because we both have autistic
>> tendencies. But he has also been all over the world and has a good grasp of
>> the differences and commonalities in each community. In addition, he has
>> managed to stay married for more than 30 years, which is a long time,
>> especially for today.
>>
>> I want to clarify something though about changing people, or them you. What
>> counts as changing someone versus just looking out for them? I for example,
>> don't think the single male, cigarette smoking, heavy beer drinking, pizza
>> every night is really a character trait, so much as just what guys do when
>> they are single. I mean, would it be considered trying to change someone if
>> trying to improve their lifestyle back to eating a little healthier, and
>> going out more with you then sitting on the couch eating potato chips? And
>> in all honestly, I don't know how one can move in with someone and not
>> change some of their behaviors as well as yours.
>>
>> Thanks for all your input.
>>
>> Donovan J. Arnold
>>
>> PS, as for marrying a twin, I think that should be the one exception to
>> polygamy. It should be a package deal of two for one, or none at all. How
>> would you not get jealous of your spouses twin with another person, and not
>> lust after another person's spouse if they are married. And you know, if
>> they are not married, others would know what it was like to sleep with your
>> spouse. The longest living nonseperated Siamese twins, Chang and Eng Bunker,
>> were married to two different women. That had to have been a challenge. Too
>> odd, yes, Joe.
>>
>>
>>
>> From: Joe Campbell <philosopher.joe at gmail.com>
>> To: Scott Dredge <scooterd408 at hotmail.com>
>> Cc: donovanjarnold2005 at yahoo.com; viz <vision2020 at moscow.com>
>> Sent: Thursday, July 19, 2012 9:27 AM
>> Subject: Re: [Vision2020] Ques. For you: What is Most Important in a
>> Relationship?
>>
>> I forgot one other thing: don't marry a twin! Joe
>>
>> On Wed, Jul 18, 2012 at 9:03 PM, Scott Dredge <scooterd408 at hotmail.com>
>> wrote:
>>> You don't need to date someone that is like you, I'd just recommend dating
>>> someone that you're compatible with and vice versa. You can be opposites
>>> in
>>> many ways and yet still have compatible lifestyles.
>>>
>>> -Scott
>>>
>>> ________________________________
>>> Date: Wed, 18 Jul 2012 19:05:01 -0700
>>> From: donovanjarnold2005 at yahoo.com
>>> Subject: Re: [Vision2020] Ques. For you: What is Most Important in a
>>> Relationship?
>>> To: scooterd408 at hotmail.com; vision2020 at moscow.com
>>>
>>> Thanks Scott, that does help. I think that is a good litmus test, how long
>>> I
>>> can spend in a room with someone and not want to kick them out, or them
>>> me.
>>> I don't think however I am compatible with someone that is like me. I like
>>> dating someone that is different and therefore more interesting. There are
>>> few, is any people I like sharing most my time and space with. I know the
>>> odds are slim of it lasting forever, but you never know unless you try,
>>> yes?
>>> I just, honestly, don't want to wake up two decades from now, be alone,
>>> fat,
>>> wrinkled, and missed out on sharing my old age and troubles with someone.
>>>
>>> Donovan J. Arnold
>>>
>>> From: Scott Dredge <scooterd408 at hotmail.com>
>>> To: donovanjarnold2005 at yahoo.com; viz <vision2020 at moscow.com>
>>> Sent: Wednesday, July 18, 2012 7:20 PM
>>> Subject: RE: [Vision2020] Ques. For you: What is Most Important in a
>>> Relationship?
>>>
>>> The utmost importance is to find someone you're compatible with and who's
>>> compatible with you. That answers all of your questions below. A good
>>> test
>>> of compatibility is to spend a lotta, lotta, lotta, time with them. If
>>> you
>>> spend 3 hours with them and then need 3 days away from them to recover
>>> from
>>> being sick of being around them, then that's a good indication of
>>> incompatibility. If you can travel in close quarters for a solid month
>>> where you're pretty much together 24 hours a day and you don't get sick of
>>> each other and in fact thoroughly enjoy each others company during that
>>> time, that might be a good indication that you can hang together and might
>>> have a lot in common. If you get married to this person, you have a 50/50
>>> chance - at the absolute very best - at making it the distance (death).
>>>
>>> I took a psychology class many years ago and the marriage statistics back
>>> then were bleak. The prof categorized US marriages such that out of every
>>> 10 marriages: 5 of them ended in divorce, 2 of them stuck together because
>>> of convenience, 1 of them was a dead marriage, 1 stuck together for the
>>> sake
>>> of their kids, and 1 was a happy marriage. The moral of the story was
>>> that
>>> you had a 10% chance of being happily married - and I guess you just hope
>>> to
>>> God that your spouse is equally happily married otherwise he/she can
>>> simply
>>> just say 'bye-bye' and there's not a whole heck of a lot you can do to
>>> keep
>>> your marriage from dissolving like so many of them do.
>>>
>>> By the way, I've never bought into the idea that 'relationships are work'
>>> -
>>> except for bad ones. Those can be a frustratingly pile of work. Why
>>> bother? Life is too short to be stuck in a crappy relationship.
>>>
>>> Best wishes in finding your soul mate!
>>>
>>> -Scott
>>>
>>>
>>> Date: Wed, 18 Jul 2012 17:43:41 -0700
>>> From: donovanjarnold2005 at yahoo.com
>>> To: vision2020 at moscow.com
>>> Subject: [Vision2020] Ques. For you: What is Most Important in a
>>> Relationship?
>>
>>>
>>> I was wondering what people look for in a life partner, what standards do
>>> they have.
>>>
>>> What is most important in a relationship?
>>>
>>> What character traits do you look for?
>>>
>>> What are the deal breakers, in terms of looks, behavior, and attitude?
>>>
>>> What about looks vs. personality? Would you be willing to have a partner
>>> you
>>> know you would not find that attractive in the near future, but they had a
>>> loving character and personality?
>>>
>>> How about their health, would you continue to be with someone even if you
>>> knew they would leave you old and alone? Would you stay with them and do
>>> that to them?
>>>
>>> What about financial success? Do they need to be at a certain level, or is
>>> any financial situation OK with a partner you love?
>>>
>>> People that got divorced, what do you suggest would make a relationship
>>> last, not last?
>>>
>>> How much are you allowed to demand from your partner, and how much should
>>> you be willing to change for them?
>>>
>>> How about fidelity? Would you marry if you thought you could not be
>>> faithful, or you felt they would not be? How about infidelity after,
>>> should
>>> it end, or accepted?
>>>
>>> Does the idea of being faithful, and being 50/50 partners with person for
>>> the rest of your life, for better or worse scare you?
>>>
>>> I know these are kind of personal, and you can be vague, but I am kinda
>>> wondering if other people think and feel about these issues the same as I
>>> do. I've never seriously thought about this stuff before because I was
>>> young, and marriage was illegal for me until recently. It wasn't really in
>>> the cards until now. Now that I am getting older and marriage is an
>>> actual
>>> choice, this is kind of new for me so I have not had the opportunity to
>>> consider and experience these things like many of you have been
>>> fortunate/unfortunate to have done for your entire life. Any insights you
>>> can give me would be appreciated.
>>>
>>>
>>> Donovan J. Arnold
>>>
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>>>
>>>
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>>
>>
>
>
>
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--
Art Deco (Wayne A. Fox)
art.deco.studios at gmail.com
=======================================================
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