[Vision2020] Ques. For you: What is Most Important in a Relationship?

[Art Deco]

Donovan,

I wish you the best in finding an exciting, yet comfortable, stable LTR.

w.

On Thu, Jul 19, 2012 at 6:44 PM, Donovan Arnold <
donovanjarnold2005 at yahoo.com> wrote:

> Thanks, Joe!
>
> I love the topic of free will too. I wrote a paper in my Logic and
> Critical Thinking class about free will. It was my favorite paper up to
> that point in college. I contended that free will was an illusion of
> sorts, and that we only thought we had free will. I proposed that all of
> our decisions were based on our genetics, past experiences, and the
> options we are given at that moment. I went through the "decision making
> process" and pointed out along the way how what we really thought was a
> choice of free will, was a choice made for us. The paper left a lot to be
> desired, by I enjoyed it for a sophomore in college project, and the
> professor gave me an A. I do think we have some free will depending on how
> we would define it, I just don't think we use it very often and many things
> we think are free will, are actually things we do for reasons other then we
> believe we do them.
>
> Donovan J. Arnold
>
>   *From:* Joe Campbell <philosopher.joe at gmail.com>
> *To:* Donovan Arnold <donovanjarnold2005 at yahoo.com>
> *Cc:* Scott Dredge <scooterd408 at hotmail.com>; viz <vision2020 at moscow.com>
> *Sent:* Thursday, July 19, 2012 4:56 PM
>
> *Subject:* Re: [Vision2020] Ques. For you: What is Most Important in a
> Relationship?
>
> Another great post, Donovan! And you nail it on the head when you say
> that you can't be in a relationship without changing someone. This
> gets to the heart of my favorite topic: the problem of free will and
> determinism.
>
> Can you be determined to change and still change freely? That is the
> question. There is always influence. Is the influence in accordance
> with your will (something about which you were in control, and could
> have refused if you had wanted to) or against it (forced upon you, you
> were hypnotized, you were asleep, etc.)?
>
> I'm not saying that's the only question; I'm just fixated on free will. Joe
>
> On Thu, Jul 19, 2012 at 3:29 PM, Donovan Arnold
> <donovanjarnold2005 at yahoo.com> wrote:
> > Joe, Chas, and Scott,
> >
> > Thanks for your input, it is very insightful and does help me. I am
> pretty
> > much in grammar school when it comes to close personal relationships.
> Joe, I
> > do not think any one more prominent than you would ever be so willing to
> > officiate a wedding for me. So, yes, if that event does occur in my life,
> > you would be the first I would ask after a Catholic Priest (as I am
> Catholic
> > so I would have to at least ask), which I know he will not approve or
> > preform a same sex marriage for at least another 300-700 years as they
> > follow behind social progress. : )
> >
> > Scott had some very good advice. Many things I didn't think about. I like
> > the idea too, of separating the accounts and deciding how to fund each
> > account, then you don't have overdrafts or someone mad running up the
> bill
> > and taking all the money every time there is a spat. I was thinking the
> best
> > way to do it would be split the major shared living bills, like rent, car
> > payments, cable, Internet, city services and utilities in proportion to
> your
> > incomes but keep your monies in two different accounts.
> >
> > Chas is always a good person to listen to I think as well when it comes
> to
> > personal relationships, especially for me because we both have autistic
> > tendencies. But he has also been all over the world and has a good grasp
> of
> > the differences and commonalities in each community. In addition, he has
> > managed to stay married for more than 30 years, which is a long time,
> > especially for today.
> >
> > I want to clarify something though about changing people, or them you.
> What
> > counts as changing someone versus just looking out for them? I for
> example,
> > don't think the single male, cigarette smoking, heavy beer drinking,
> pizza
> > every night is really a character trait, so much as just what guys do
> when
> > they are single.  I mean, would it be considered trying to change
> someone if
> > trying to improve their lifestyle back to eating a little healthier, and
> > going out more with you then sitting on the couch eating potato chips?
> And
> > in all honestly, I don't know how one can move in with someone and not
> > change some of their behaviors as well as yours.
> >
> > Thanks for all your input.
> >
> > Donovan J. Arnold
> >
> > PS, as for marrying a twin, I think that should be the one exception to
> > polygamy. It should be a package deal of two for one, or none at all. How
> > would you not get jealous of your spouses twin with another person, and
> not
> > lust after another person's spouse if they are married. And you know, if
> > they are not married, others would know what it was like to sleep with
> your
> > spouse. The longest living nonseperated Siamese twins, Chang and Eng
> Bunker,
> > were married to two different women. That had to have been a challenge.
> Too
> > odd, yes, Joe.
> >
> >
> >
> > From: Joe Campbell <philosopher.joe at gmail.com>
> > To: Scott Dredge <scooterd408 at hotmail.com>
> > Cc: donovanjarnold2005 at yahoo.com; viz <vision2020 at moscow.com>
> > Sent: Thursday, July 19, 2012 9:27 AM
> > Subject: Re: [Vision2020] Ques. For you: What is Most Important in a
> > Relationship?
> >
> > I forgot one other thing: don't marry a twin! Joe
> >
> > On Wed, Jul 18, 2012 at 9:03 PM, Scott Dredge <scooterd408 at hotmail.com>
> > wrote:
> >> You don't need to date someone that is like you, I'd just recommend
> dating
> >> someone that you're compatible with and vice versa.  You can be
> opposites
> >> in
> >> many ways and yet still have compatible lifestyles.
> >>
> >> -Scott
> >>
> >> ________________________________
> >> Date: Wed, 18 Jul 2012 19:05:01 -0700
> >> From: donovanjarnold2005 at yahoo.com
> >> Subject: Re: [Vision2020] Ques. For you: What is Most Important in a
> >> Relationship?
> >> To: scooterd408 at hotmail.com; vision2020 at moscow.com
> >>
> >> Thanks Scott, that does help. I think that is a good litmus test, how
> long
> >> I
> >> can spend in a room with someone and not want to kick them out, or them
> >> me.
> >> I don't think however I am compatible with someone that is like me. I
> like
> >> dating someone that is different and therefore more interesting. There
> are
> >> few, is any people I like sharing most my time and space with.  I know
> the
> >> odds are slim of it lasting forever, but you never know unless you try,
> >> yes?
> >> I just, honestly, don't want to wake up two decades from now, be alone,
> >> fat,
> >> wrinkled, and missed out on sharing my old age and troubles with
> someone.
> >>
> >> Donovan J. Arnold
> >>
> >> From: Scott Dredge <scooterd408 at hotmail.com>
> >> To: donovanjarnold2005 at yahoo.com; viz <vision2020 at moscow.com>
> >> Sent: Wednesday, July 18, 2012 7:20 PM
> >> Subject: RE: [Vision2020] Ques. For you: What is Most Important in a
> >> Relationship?
> >>
> >> The utmost importance is to find someone you're compatible with and
> who's
> >> compatible with you.  That answers all of your questions below.  A good
> >> test
> >> of compatibility is to spend a lotta, lotta, lotta, time with them.  If
> >> you
> >> spend 3 hours with them and then need 3 days away from them to recover
> >> from
> >> being sick of being around them, then that's a good indication of
> >> incompatibility.  If you can travel in close quarters for a solid month
> >> where you're pretty much together 24 hours a day and you don't get sick
> of
> >> each other and in fact thoroughly enjoy each others company during that
> >> time, that might be a good indication that you can hang together and
> might
> >> have a lot in common.  If you get married to this person, you have a
> 50/50
> >> chance - at the absolute very best - at making it the distance (death).
> >>
> >> I took a psychology class many years ago and the marriage statistics
> back
> >> then were bleak.  The prof categorized US marriages such that out of
> every
> >> 10 marriages: 5 of them ended in divorce, 2 of them stuck together
> because
> >> of convenience, 1 of them was a dead marriage, 1 stuck together for the
> >> sake
> >> of their kids, and 1 was a happy marriage.  The moral of the story was
> >> that
> >> you had a 10% chance of being happily married - and I guess you just
> hope
> >> to
> >> God that your spouse is equally happily married otherwise he/she can
> >> simply
> >> just say 'bye-bye' and there's not a whole heck of a lot you can do to
> >> keep
> >> your marriage from dissolving like so many of them do.
> >>
> >> By the way, I've never bought into the idea that 'relationships are
> work'
> >> -
> >> except for bad ones.  Those can be a frustratingly pile of work.  Why
> >> bother?  Life is too short to be stuck in a crappy relationship.
> >>
> >> Best wishes in finding your soul mate!
> >>
> >> -Scott
> >>
> >>
> >> Date: Wed, 18 Jul 2012 17:43:41 -0700
> >> From: donovanjarnold2005 at yahoo.com
> >> To: vision2020 at moscow.com
> >> Subject: [Vision2020] Ques. For you: What is Most Important in a
> >> Relationship?
> >
> >>
> >> I was wondering what people look for in a life partner, what standards
> do
> >> they have.
> >>
> >> What is most important in a relationship?
> >>
> >> What character traits do you look for?
> >>
> >> What are the deal breakers, in terms of looks, behavior, and attitude?
> >>
> >> What about looks vs. personality? Would you be willing to have a partner
> >> you
> >> know you would not find that attractive in the near future, but they
> had a
> >> loving character and personality?
> >>
> >> How about their health, would you continue to be with someone even if
> you
> >> knew they would leave you old and alone? Would you stay with them and do
> >> that to them?
> >>
> >> What about financial success? Do they need to be at a certain level, or
> is
> >> any financial situation OK with a partner you love?
> >>
> >> People that got divorced, what do you suggest would make a relationship
> >> last, not last?
> >>
> >> How much are you allowed to demand from your partner, and how much
> should
> >> you be willing to change for them?
> >>
> >> How about fidelity? Would you marry if you thought you could not be
> >> faithful, or you felt they would not be? How about infidelity after,
> >> should
> >> it end, or accepted?
> >>
> >> Does the idea of being faithful, and being 50/50 partners with person
> for
> >> the rest of your life, for better or worse scare you?
> >>
> >> I know these are kind of personal, and you can be vague, but I am kinda
> >> wondering if other people think and feel about these issues the same as
> I
> >> do. I've never seriously thought about this stuff before because I was
> >> young, and marriage was illegal for me until recently. It wasn't really
> in
> >> the cards until now.  Now that I am getting older and marriage is an
> >> actual
> >> choice, this is kind of new for me so I have not had the opportunity to
> >> consider and experience these things like many of you have been
> >> fortunate/unfortunate to have done for your entire life. Any insights
> you
> >> can give me would be appreciated.
> >>
> >>
> >> Donovan J. Arnold
> >>
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> >>
> >>
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> >>  List services made available by First Step Internet,
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> >
> >
>
>
>
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>  List services made available by First Step Internet,
>  serving the communities of the Palouse since 1994.
>                http://www.fsr.net
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>



-- 
Art Deco (Wayne A. Fox)
art.deco.studios at gmail.com
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