[Vision2020] Ques. For you: What is Most Important in a Relationship?

[Scott Dredge]

I'm not sure about well written.  I read the sample page 132 and completely disagreed with things like 'contributing to household responsibilities such a grocery shopping, making dinner, house cleaning, and car maintenance'.  And I think it's borderline malpractice to suggest contributing income to your 'joint account'.  I'd recommend you have your own account and credit card and your partner have his / her own completely separate account and credit card.  Then you both should be in aligned agreement on how to fund each of those accounts.  That said, if you want to want to tempt fate and mix your monies instead into a 'joint account' - be my guest, it might be a better and much more aggressive stress test to more quickly determine the viability of your relationship.

I'd say the most important thing about a relationship is to be yourself and let your partner be his / her self.  Then very clearly state to each other 'This is what I want and this is what I do not want.' so you know each other stance on major issues.  If there are things you want to change about your partner, my advice is to immediately throw in the towel and move on to someone else, but also try and remain friends with each other.  And if there are things that they want to change about you, dump them like a hot rock, but also try and remain friends with each other.  Also if you're a major source of frustration for them and / or vice versa, give it up and try again with someone else.

-Scott

Date: Thu, 19 Jul 2012 08:43:08 -0700
From: art.deco.studios at gmail.com
To: vision2020 at moscow.com
Subject: Re: [Vision2020] Ques. For you: What is Most Important in a	Relationship?

@Chasuk:

Much of what you said is also reflected in the seminal work A New Look At Love.

This is a well written, very readable scholarly work of interest to those into understanding, building, and maintaining intimate relationships.


More:  http://books.google.com/books/about/A_New_Look_At_Love.html?id=VBZgXsk-gsAC

w.

On Thu, Jul 19, 2012 at 8:35 AM, Tom Hansen <thansen at moscow.com> wrote:

Did you hear about the suicidal twin that shot his brother by mistake?


Seeya round town, Moscow.
Tom HansenMoscow, Idaho
"If not us, who?If not now, when?"
- Unknown



On Jul 19, 2012, at 8:30, Darrell Keim <keim153 at gmail.com> wrote:


There has got to be a good story here!

On Thu, Jul 19, 2012 at 8:27 AM, Joe Campbell <philosopher.joe at gmail.com> wrote:


I forgot one other thing: don't marry a twin! Joe




On Wed, Jul 18, 2012 at 9:03 PM, Scott Dredge <scooterd408 at hotmail.com> wrote:

> You don't need to date someone that is like you, I'd just recommend dating

> someone that you're compatible with and vice versa.  You can be opposites in

> many ways and yet still have compatible lifestyles.

>

> -Scott

>

> ________________________________

> Date: Wed, 18 Jul 2012 19:05:01 -0700

> From: donovanjarnold2005 at yahoo.com

> Subject: Re: [Vision2020] Ques. For you: What is Most Important in a

> Relationship?

> To: scooterd408 at hotmail.com; vision2020 at moscow.com


>

> Thanks Scott, that does help. I think that is a good litmus test, how long I

> can spend in a room with someone and not want to kick them out, or them me.

> I don't think however I am compatible with someone that is like me. I like

> dating someone that is different and therefore more interesting. There are

> few, is any people I like sharing most my time and space with.  I know the

> odds are slim of it lasting forever, but you never know unless you try, yes?

> I just, honestly, don't want to wake up two decades from now, be alone, fat,

> wrinkled, and missed out on sharing my old age and troubles with someone.

>

> Donovan J. Arnold

>

> From: Scott Dredge <scooterd408 at hotmail.com>

> To: donovanjarnold2005 at yahoo.com; viz <vision2020 at moscow.com>


> Sent: Wednesday, July 18, 2012 7:20 PM

> Subject: RE: [Vision2020] Ques. For you: What is Most Important in a

> Relationship?

>

> The utmost importance is to find someone you're compatible with and who's

> compatible with you.  That answers all of your questions below.  A good test

> of compatibility is to spend a lotta, lotta, lotta, time with them.  If you

> spend 3 hours with them and then need 3 days away from them to recover from

> being sick of being around them, then that's a good indication of

> incompatibility.  If you can travel in close quarters for a solid month

> where you're pretty much together 24 hours a day and you don't get sick of

> each other and in fact thoroughly enjoy each others company during that

> time, that might be a good indication that you can hang together and might

> have a lot in common.  If you get married to this person, you have a 50/50

> chance - at the absolute very best - at making it the distance (death).

>

> I took a psychology class many years ago and the marriage statistics back

> then were bleak.  The prof categorized US marriages such that out of every

> 10 marriages: 5 of them ended in divorce, 2 of them stuck together because

> of convenience, 1 of them was a dead marriage, 1 stuck together for the sake

> of their kids, and 1 was a happy marriage.  The moral of the story was that

> you had a 10% chance of being happily married - and I guess you just hope to

> God that your spouse is equally happily married otherwise he/she can simply

> just say 'bye-bye' and there's not a whole heck of a lot you can do to keep

> your marriage from dissolving like so many of them do.

>

> By the way, I've never bought into the idea that 'relationships are work' -

> except for bad ones.  Those can be a frustratingly pile of work.  Why

> bother?  Life is too short to be stuck in a crappy relationship.

>

> Best wishes in finding your soul mate!

>

> -Scott

>

>

> Date: Wed, 18 Jul 2012 17:43:41 -0700

> From: donovanjarnold2005 at yahoo.com

> To: vision2020 at moscow.com

> Subject: [Vision2020] Ques. For you: What is Most Important in a

> Relationship?

>

> I was wondering what people look for in a life partner, what standards do

> they have.

>

> What is most important in a relationship?

>

> What character traits do you look for?

>

> What are the deal breakers, in terms of looks, behavior, and attitude?

>

> What about looks vs. personality? Would you be willing to have a partner you

> know you would not find that attractive in the near future, but they had a

> loving character and personality?

>

> How about their health, would you continue to be with someone even if you

> knew they would leave you old and alone? Would you stay with them and do

> that to them?

>

> What about financial success? Do they need to be at a certain level, or is

> any financial situation OK with a partner you love?

>

> People that got divorced, what do you suggest would make a relationship

> last, not last?

>

> How much are you allowed to demand from your partner, and how much should

> you be willing to change for them?

>

> How about fidelity? Would you marry if you thought you could not be

> faithful, or you felt they would not be? How about infidelity after, should

> it end, or accepted?

>

> Does the idea of being faithful, and being 50/50 partners with person for

> the rest of your life, for better or worse scare you?

>

> I know these are kind of personal, and you can be vague, but I am kinda

> wondering if other people think and feel about these issues the same as I

> do. I've never seriously thought about this stuff before because I was

> young, and marriage was illegal for me until recently. It wasn't really in

> the cards until now.  Now that I am getting older and marriage is an actual

> choice, this is kind of new for me so I have not had the opportunity to

> consider and experience these things like many of you have been

> fortunate/unfortunate to have done for your entire life. Any insights you

> can give me would be appreciated.

>

>

> Donovan J. Arnold

>

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=======================================================

 List services made available by First Step Internet,

 serving the communities of the Palouse since 1994.

               http://www.fsr.net

          mailto:Vision2020 at moscow.com

=======================================================



=======================================================
 List services made available by First Step Internet,
 serving the communities of the Palouse since 1994.

               http://www.fsr.net
          mailto:Vision2020 at moscow.com

=======================================================
=======================================================

 List services made available by First Step Internet,

 serving the communities of the Palouse since 1994.

               http://www.fsr.net

          mailto:Vision2020 at moscow.com

=======================================================


-- 
Art Deco (Wayne A. Fox)
art.deco.studios at gmail.com






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 serving the communities of the Palouse since 1994.
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