[Vision2020] Ques. For you: What is Most Important in a Relationship?

Chasuk chasuk at gmail.com
Thu Jul 19 08:29:53 PDT 2012


Some of my best friends -- twins -- would possibly be aggrieved to
read that advice. :-)

Chas

On Thu, Jul 19, 2012 at 8:27 AM, Joe Campbell <philosopher.joe at gmail.com> wrote:
> I forgot one other thing: don't marry a twin! Joe
>
> On Wed, Jul 18, 2012 at 9:03 PM, Scott Dredge <scooterd408 at hotmail.com> wrote:
>> You don't need to date someone that is like you, I'd just recommend dating
>> someone that you're compatible with and vice versa.  You can be opposites in
>> many ways and yet still have compatible lifestyles.
>>
>> -Scott
>>
>> ________________________________
>> Date: Wed, 18 Jul 2012 19:05:01 -0700
>> From: donovanjarnold2005 at yahoo.com
>> Subject: Re: [Vision2020] Ques. For you: What is Most Important in a
>> Relationship?
>> To: scooterd408 at hotmail.com; vision2020 at moscow.com
>>
>> Thanks Scott, that does help. I think that is a good litmus test, how long I
>> can spend in a room with someone and not want to kick them out, or them me.
>> I don't think however I am compatible with someone that is like me. I like
>> dating someone that is different and therefore more interesting. There are
>> few, is any people I like sharing most my time and space with.  I know the
>> odds are slim of it lasting forever, but you never know unless you try, yes?
>> I just, honestly, don't want to wake up two decades from now, be alone, fat,
>> wrinkled, and missed out on sharing my old age and troubles with someone.
>>
>> Donovan J. Arnold
>>
>> From: Scott Dredge <scooterd408 at hotmail.com>
>> To: donovanjarnold2005 at yahoo.com; viz <vision2020 at moscow.com>
>> Sent: Wednesday, July 18, 2012 7:20 PM
>> Subject: RE: [Vision2020] Ques. For you: What is Most Important in a
>> Relationship?
>>
>> The utmost importance is to find someone you're compatible with and who's
>> compatible with you.  That answers all of your questions below.  A good test
>> of compatibility is to spend a lotta, lotta, lotta, time with them.  If you
>> spend 3 hours with them and then need 3 days away from them to recover from
>> being sick of being around them, then that's a good indication of
>> incompatibility.  If you can travel in close quarters for a solid month
>> where you're pretty much together 24 hours a day and you don't get sick of
>> each other and in fact thoroughly enjoy each others company during that
>> time, that might be a good indication that you can hang together and might
>> have a lot in common.  If you get married to this person, you have a 50/50
>> chance - at the absolute very best - at making it the distance (death).
>>
>> I took a psychology class many years ago and the marriage statistics back
>> then were bleak.  The prof categorized US marriages such that out of every
>> 10 marriages: 5 of them ended in divorce, 2 of them stuck together because
>> of convenience, 1 of them was a dead marriage, 1 stuck together for the sake
>> of their kids, and 1 was a happy marriage.  The moral of the story was that
>> you had a 10% chance of being happily married - and I guess you just hope to
>> God that your spouse is equally happily married otherwise he/she can simply
>> just say 'bye-bye' and there's not a whole heck of a lot you can do to keep
>> your marriage from dissolving like so many of them do.
>>
>> By the way, I've never bought into the idea that 'relationships are work' -
>> except for bad ones.  Those can be a frustratingly pile of work.  Why
>> bother?  Life is too short to be stuck in a crappy relationship.
>>
>> Best wishes in finding your soul mate!
>>
>> -Scott
>>
>>
>> Date: Wed, 18 Jul 2012 17:43:41 -0700
>> From: donovanjarnold2005 at yahoo.com
>> To: vision2020 at moscow.com
>> Subject: [Vision2020] Ques. For you: What is Most Important in a
>> Relationship?
>>
>> I was wondering what people look for in a life partner, what standards do
>> they have.
>>
>> What is most important in a relationship?
>>
>> What character traits do you look for?
>>
>> What are the deal breakers, in terms of looks, behavior, and attitude?
>>
>> What about looks vs. personality? Would you be willing to have a partner you
>> know you would not find that attractive in the near future, but they had a
>> loving character and personality?
>>
>> How about their health, would you continue to be with someone even if you
>> knew they would leave you old and alone? Would you stay with them and do
>> that to them?
>>
>> What about financial success? Do they need to be at a certain level, or is
>> any financial situation OK with a partner you love?
>>
>> People that got divorced, what do you suggest would make a relationship
>> last, not last?
>>
>> How much are you allowed to demand from your partner, and how much should
>> you be willing to change for them?
>>
>> How about fidelity? Would you marry if you thought you could not be
>> faithful, or you felt they would not be? How about infidelity after, should
>> it end, or accepted?
>>
>> Does the idea of being faithful, and being 50/50 partners with person for
>> the rest of your life, for better or worse scare you?
>>
>> I know these are kind of personal, and you can be vague, but I am kinda
>> wondering if other people think and feel about these issues the same as I
>> do. I've never seriously thought about this stuff before because I was
>> young, and marriage was illegal for me until recently. It wasn't really in
>> the cards until now.  Now that I am getting older and marriage is an actual
>> choice, this is kind of new for me so I have not had the opportunity to
>> consider and experience these things like many of you have been
>> fortunate/unfortunate to have done for your entire life. Any insights you
>> can give me would be appreciated.
>>
>>
>> Donovan J. Arnold
>>
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