[Vision2020] When I Close My Eyes

[Tom Hansen]

>From "The Sandbox", a command-wide milblog, featuring comments, anecdotes, 
and observations from service members currently deployed to Iraq and 
Afghanistan, at:

http://gocomics.typepad.com/the_sandbox/

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WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES
Name: Teflon Don
Posting date: 3/26/08
Returned from: Iraq
Milblog url: acutepolitics.blogspot.com 

The Idaho Statesman began a five-part series yesterday on the "Five Years 
of War". It opened with a fairly well-balanced article on ordinary life in 
Baghdad and a leading question: "When you close your eyes and think of 
Iraq, what does your mind's eye see?"

When I close my eyes, I don't see Iraq. I hear it. Every night when I 
close my eyes and go to sleep, the quiet night is broken by the ringing 
memory of bombs long blown apart. I heard Iraq once in the gunshots as a 
man died in a bad drug deal nearby, and I hear it still every afternoon 
when the grade school across the fence recesses. 

I still hear the music, too. Music is a big part of a lot of soldier's 
lives in Iraq -- it is both calming and girding, and embraced in virtually 
all its forms. Music often turns surreal; the way "Highway to Hell" would 
start up on the truck playlist as we turned down Route Mets and play on as 
we passed the crater in the road where once we lost three good men was 
eerie. I sat through a virtual monsoon once while listening to "Welcome to 
the Jungle" and watching the rain whip trees sideways.

Some guys listen to death metal before missions, some listen to melodic 
pop during firefights -- whatever it takes to get you through. I had a 
pretty eclectic mix that ranged from the hardcore yet not hate-filled 
Project 86 to soft and dreamy Nickel Creek, with the drunken Irish 
bagpipes of Flogging Molly and Dropkick Murphys playing the punkish 
counterpart to the timelessness of Guns and Roses.

The other night I heard the music again, and the surreal undertones 
punched me in the gut. I was driving home at night, and the rain was 
coming down hard. The radio was playing Nickelback -- it was one of SGT 
Clevenger's favorite songs, one that played at his memorial:

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We'd see the day when nobody died

I came over the top of a hill, and in front of me was a church billboard, 
one that always has bright lights spelling out a Bible verse and 
some "Jesus loves you" message. As it came into view the billboard flashed 
big and orange letters: "DIED".

Weird. Thanks, but I knew that well, and don't need reminding. I reached 
out and punched the button to turn my stereo from radio to CD player, and 
as a mix CD starting playing Dropkick Murphys, the billboard lights 
reorganized themselves: "FOR YOU". Every time I think of Clev, I remember 
that if a series of last minute decisions had gone differently it could be 
my ghost courting the visitors of some marbled estate.

The CD player piped out the Dropkick cover of "Green Fields of France":

Did they beat the drums slowly
Did the play the fife lowly
Did they sound the death march as they lowered you down
Did the band play the last post and chorus
Did the pipes play the flowers of the forest

And I can't help but wonder, oh Willy McBride
Do all those who lie here know why they died
Did you really believe them when they told you the cause
Did you really believe that this war would end wars
Well the suffering, the sorrow, the glory, the shame
The killing and dying it was all done in vain
Oh Willy McBride, it all happened again
And again, and again, and again, and again

I was past the billboard before it flashed back to the beginning "JESUS", 
but I mumbled his name to myself as I flew by, the stereo completely off 
now. All I wanted was to get home, text my girlfriend to let her know I 
was home safe, pour a stiff shot of scotch, and forget the drive.

You can't make that shit up, but what can you do about it?

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"If Everyone Cared" By Nickelback
http://tinyurl.com/yrfcau

"From underneath the trees, we watch the sky
Confusing stars for satellites
I never dreamed that you'd be mine
But here we are, we're here tonight

Singing Amen, I'm alive
Singing Amen, I'm alive

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We'd see the day when nobody died

And I'm singing

Amen I, I'm alive
Amen I, I'm alive

And in the air the fireflies
Our only light in paradise
We'll show the world they were wrong
And teach them all to sing along

Singing Amen I'm alive
Singing Amen I'm alive

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We'd see the day when nobody died

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We'd see the day when nobody died

And as we lie beneath the stars
We realize how small we are
If they could love like you and me
Imagine what the world could be

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We'd see the day when nobody died

We'd see the day, we'd see the day
When nobody died
We'd see the day, we'd see the day
When nobody died
We'd see the day when nobody died."


Seeya round town, Moscow.

Tom Hansen
Moscow, Idaho

"Patriotism is not a short and frenzied outburst of emotion but the 
tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime." 

-- Adlai E. Stevenson, Jr. 


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