[Vision2020] Pigs, hogs, boars and bores

[Joan Opyr]

Donovan, you're a pig.  You're a list hog.  You are boorish and thus both 
a boar and a bore.  There now: are you satisfied?  Area Man has not called 
you a swine.  I have.  This, Arnold Ziffel, is an ad hominem attack.  I 
back it up with no arguments whatsoever; I simply invite people to read or 
re-read your 20 per day of illiterate, irrational, irritating squeals 
dating back, I believe, to the Battle of the Somme.  Brave readers may 
draw their own conclusions as to when exactly you met and annoyed the 
great swine-making goddess Circe.  I would suggest that this happened at 
the time of your birth, so either you were secretly pushed out in on an 
island in Greece or Circe came to Moscow in the early 1970s.  I'm plumping 
for the latter as it would explain more than just your own boarish/boorish 
behavior.

You are an oik and an oink, Donovan Arnold.  On the Internet, as in life, 
this world is all about root hog or die.  You're rooting, all right, but 
you're not rootin' tootin', and I'm not rooting for you, nor yet am I 
playing the tiny violin at your endless pity party.  Why not?  Because you 
can't teach a pig to sing or to dance.  You can't put lipstick on a pig, 
and you can't make a silk's purse out of a sow's ear.  No matter how you 
slice it -- thick cut, center cut, or cured in maple syrup -- you will 
never be appropriately dressed for your very own swinish soiree.

That's too bad, but all is not lost.  Perhaps some day a lovely spider 
named Charlotte will take up residence in the corner of your bedroom and 
write the word "Humble" in her web.  You will read this and take it to 
heart.  Then we will no longer be bored/boared/boored unto death by your 
endless empty annoying squeals.  

Until then, however, this Templeton the Rat isn't holding her breath.

Joan

Joan Opyr/Auntie Establishment
www.joanopyr.com

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