[Vision2020] I'm bitter and feeling cheated

Joan Opyr joanopyr at earthlink.net
Fri May 27 12:31:49 PDT 2005

On May 27, 2005, at 11:54 AM, DonaldH675 at aol.com wrote:

> According to Doug Intoleristas are:
> 1.     listeners of NPR,
> 2.    are urbane, hip, sophisticated
> 3.    dialogue with others,
> 4.    do not run with scissors
> 5.    subscribe to Mother Jones, Rolling Stone, and The Nation,
> 6.    drink coffee the beans of which were picked in a way that didn't 
> involve corporations
> 7.    embrace a sort of scratch and sniff diversity
> 8.    the poseurs of diversity
> 9.    sample spicy foods at an international potluck,
> 10.   nod sagely whenever someone refers to the best Thai restaurant 
> 11.    little plug-in aroma dispenser that smells as though somebody 
> somewhere, on the other side of the world, might believe and live 
> differently, 
> 12.   a CD player that has the murmuring forest noises of indigenous 
> peoples around the globe living and believing differently far, far 
> away
> 13.   a ten thousand dollar slate shower that makes them feel like 
> they are in touch with the rhythms of the earth,

1. I do listen to NPR, particularly the Diane Rehm Show.  I also enjoy 
Terry Gross.
2. I have an unseemly (an perhaps illiberal) love of weaponry.  
Pistols, rifles, swords, knives, crossbows, brass knuckles . . . you 
name it.  I also own several pairs of steel-toed boots and something 
called a "One Lump or Two."  It's actually a spring-loaded police 
baton.  I've never actually cracked a skull with it; I've only 
3. I do read Scottish Life, and a tacky Anglophile publication called 
Realm.  I read Harper's, Mother Jones (it's true), National Geographic, 
People, The Weekly World News, The NY Times, The Guardian, and X-Men 
comic books.
4. I monologue with others.  Who was it who said there is no such thing 
as listening; there's only waiting for the other person to shut up?
5. I drink whatever coffee is free and cheap, and I drink LOTS of it.
6. It's not safe to scratch and sniff anything in this house -- we have 
far too many dogs and cats.
7. Religion-wise, this household features two Quakers, one Jew, an 
Atheist, and two I-don't-knows.  My border collie is an Episcopalian.
8. I hate potlucks.  They're not Southern.  In the South, when we 
invite people to our homes for dinner, we expect to provide the food.  
I will never in a million years get used to the potluck.  Or lutefisk.
9. I've eaten Thai food, but my favorite dish is the 
double-cheeseburger at The Slurp & Burp.  Yum, yum!
10. Rose -- what the hell did you do with that Glade plug-in?  The 
laundry room smells like wet Episcopalian border collie!
11. I have an MP3 player, thanks very much.
12. My $3 shower head seems to be clogged with lime deposits, so first 
thing this morning, I was obliged to dodge the really hard jets coming 
from the holes that were still open.  Looks like I need some Ka-Boom!
13. I love the fact that people all over everywhere think and feel and 
believe differently.  That's great.  But any jackass who gets in my way 
is getting the old One Lump or Two.

Joan Opyr/Auntie Establishment

PS: I agree with Eve Was Framed.  I'm now shutting this machine down 
and going outside to rivet a new rocker panel on my '76 Suburban.  
That's kind of close to nature, isn't it?  Whenever I drive the 
Suburban anywhere, there's at least a 50/50 chance that I'll wind up 

PPS: Scott Dredge is a fine person, and someone of whom I think very 
highly indeed.  I thank him for his kind words.
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