[Vision2020] Making the Financial Best of the New Year

[Melynda Huskey]

Dear Friends of Vision 2020,

January can be a financially sober month, can't it?  The thrill of the holidays evaporates, leaving a sheaf of bills behind.

In the interests of spreading financial solvency across Moscow, I'd like to invite everyone to take advantage of a scheme that I recently discovered at work right here in our fair city, and which appears to be entirely without negative consequences.  If this doesn't perk up your wallet, I don't know what will!

1.  Start a boarding house.  Don't bother with a conditional use permit.  Just get two or three renters into your house--or more if your place'll hold 'em and you don't mind acing the neighbors out of all available parking.

2.  Create a non-profit ministry in your home.  Give it a classy name, and register it with the Secretary of State.  Don't worry about actually filling out all that annoying paperwork and expense to become a 501(c)3; just assure the State of Idaho that you really are a non-profit.  They'll take your word for it.  And remember, only *you* define ministry.  Eating, talking, and reading can be acts of worship.  Heck, get your boarders to do yardwork or wash the dishes--I have it on the highest authority that "laborare orare est."

3.  Wave that magic "non-profit" wand over the rent payments and watch them turn into "donations." Those people you used to call boarders?  Now they're "guests" who make tax-deductible donations to your ministry.  That way they get to claim their rent as a charitable deduction, and you get to take their rent as a donation to your ministry, not as income.  Everybody wins!

4.  Convert every possible expense related to your home into costs for running your "ministry."  Hardwood floors need refinishing?  Glory to You-Know-Who!  New chairs for the Board Room?  You betcha!

5.  If I were you, I'd go for the brass ring.  See if you can't convince the commissioners to give you a property tax exemption.  After all, a non-profit ministry is a non-profit ministry.  If the Ursuline nuns aren't paying, why shoudl you?  It's worth a try.  And if enough people do it, even Rose Huskey and Saundra Lund won't be able to keep up with the appeals.  You'll be home free.

Of course, at our house we've got a leg up on the whole process--Joan's already been ordained.  But the Universal Life Church stands ready to offer any of you all the same legally-binding ordination at the click of a mouse.  

Why delay?  Start this simple process today, and reap the cash-flow benefits your neighbor may already be enjoying.

Melynda Huskey