[Vision2020] An Open Letter to Phil Roderick

[Joan Opyr]

My dear Andreas,

I intend to shout "hip hip hooray" for this letter until I need a hip 
replacement.  You have truly made my day.  Thank you, God bless you, and may 
you continue to shine the bright light of your humor, intellect, and 
humanity upon the dank, rank, bat(shit) caves of Moscow for many years to 
come.

With profound gratitude and deep respect,
Joan Opyr/Auntie Establishment

PS: There is some fine karaoke one night a week at the Slurp & Burp.  It 
would be my pleasure to meet you at that Moscow landmark and buy you and 
your lovely wife, Sara, double cheeseburgers and a couple of fresh Bud 
Lights one of these fine evenings.  I feel like I owe you -- so much so that 
I would be happy to serenade you with my special rendition of The 
Carpenters' "(They long to be) Close to You."

Why do bats suddenly appear
Everytime
Phil posts here?
Just like fleas
They long to be
Close to poo!

(There.  Now Phil can threaten me with rack and ruin, too.  BTW, just for 
the record, Phil, The Auntie Establishment and Brother Carl Show does not 
feature two solid hours of hate.  We play at least 35 minutes of music.)

>From: Andreas Schou <ophite at gmail.com>
>Reply-To: Andreas Schou <ophite at gmail.com>
>To: Vision2020 Moscow <vision2020 at moscow.com>
>Subject: [Vision2020] An Open Letter to Phil Roderick
>Date: Tue, 19 Apr 2005 16:48:42 -0700
>
>Phil --
>
>You are schizophrenic.
>
>I first realized that you were schizophrenic when, some weeks ago, you
>claimed that CJ's was a "classy place." What, might I ask, is the
>classiest element of your fine establishement? The classy poster of
>the classy alien holding the classy bong? The upscale plastic cups in
>which you serve vintage Keystone Light? The fractal screensaver on
>your antique karaoke machine? The classy vomit stains on your classy
>industrial carpet flooring? Or is it the knife fights, in which, like
>fine ballet, people get stabbed in the skull?
>
>I live two blocks from your date rape emporium.  I am not and have
>never been impressed. So when you whine and whine and whine and whine,
>to the tune of two dozen postings per day, about how taxes are driving
>your business out of business, I am forced to respond that this is
>simply not the case. It is your business that is driving your business
>out of business.
>
>If it hastens the end of your clogging my inbox, I am, in fact, going
>to vote for the school levy. Not to build a new school for the
>children of Moscow, but to euthanize your creaking eyesore of a dance
>club, so, hopefully, you will no longer be able to afford an Internet
>account with which to drive everybody within earshot as batshit crazy
>as you appear to be.
>
>Diplomacy, logic, and appeals to your humanity don't appear to work
>because you apparently aren't responsive to the first two and don't
>possess any of the third. Maybe this will make a dent: begone. Shoo.
>Cast your dung upon other waters: it has never been welcome here.
>
>Stop projecting your multiplicitous personal and business failures on
>a school levy in a small town in North Idaho. Stop irritating your
>elected officials, your local paper of record, and your fellow
>citizens. Stop screaming and threatening to get people fired. Even in
>three-year-olds, a tantrum can only last 'til the kid runs out of
>breath.
>
>Please seek professional help,
>ACS
>
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