[Vision2020] FW: The State of California

[John Danahy]

Dear President Bush:


Congratulations on your victory over all us non-evangelicals. Actually,
we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving you. California
will now be its own country. And we're taking all the Blue States with us.
In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington,
Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, all of the North East States, and
the urban half of Ohio. We spoke to God, and She agrees that this split will
be beneficial to almost everybody, and especially to us in the new country
of California. In fact, God is so excited about it, She's going to shift the
whole country at 4:30 pm EST this Friday. Therefore, please let everyone
know they need to be back in their states by then. 

 

God is going to give us the Pacific Ocean and Hollywood - in addition, we're
getting San Diego. This includes Camp Pendleton, the Marines, the Army, the
Navy, etc. (Sorry, that's just how it goes.) But God is letting you have the
KKK and country music (except the Dixie Chicks).


Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice, pro-gay
marriage, and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to need all Blue States
citizens back from Iraq. If you need people to fight in Fallujah, just ask
your evangelical voters. They have tons of kids they're willing to send to
their deaths for absolutely no purpose. And they don't care if you don't
show pictures of their kids' caskets coming home.


So, you get Texas and all the former slave states, and we get the Governator
and stem cell research. That's alright, though, we can take care of the
Governator next time we vote, and he can come and live with you.

(We would love you to take Britney Spears off our too, though. She IS from
the South, right?)
Since we get New York, you'll have to come up with your own late night TV
shows because we get MTV, Letterman, the Daily Show, and Conan O'Brien.
We'll be happy to let you have Jay Leno, but other than him...well, why
don't you ask your people at Fox News to come up with something
entertaining? Maybe you could just watch Crossfire. That's a really funny
show.)


We wish you all the best in the next four years and we hope, really hope,
you find those missing weapons of mass destruction. Seriously. We know how
irritating it is not to be able to find your keys.


Sincerely,
California Country.

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