[Vision2020] Help for our own Pee Wee Herman
Joan Opyr
auntiestablishment@hotmail.com
Sun, 07 Mar 2004 14:55:13 -0800
Dear Regional Enquirer:
I took your advice about refilling my prescriptions, and the effect has been
so salutary that I've decided to share my scrips with other Vision 2020
readers:
1) All email programs have a block sender feature, AKA a Bozo filter. With
his big red nose, large clumsy feet, and mouth like the clown horn on a
Shrine Circus car, it's clear to me that Mr. Enquirer would be happier if he
were repatriated to the land of his birth, Internet Palookaville. I'm sure
Edna Wilmington will be there ready to greet him with a pie in the face, a
steady supply of banana peels, and that old moron favorite, the joy buzzer.
2) This prescription is for Mr. Enquirer himself. You are not writing; you
are typing. The former requires thought; the latter requires fingers. As
you seem to have trouble grasping this distinction, I suggest that you try
the following exercise -- put both hands on the keyboard. Now type. Use
the space bar and the shift key. Feel the blood leaving your lower abdomen
and rushing up to your head. Isn't that nice? No doubt you will miss the
tender ministrations of Old Mother Palmer and her five lovely daughters,
stroking your ego while you type one-handed, but I think we can agree that
it's never a good idea to let Mr. Onan do our thinking for us. He just
doesn't have the resources.
This does, however, suggest another use for Edna's joy buzzer . . .
Joan Opyr/Auntie Establishment
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