[Vision2020] The Thing!

Tom Hansen thansen at moscow.com
Sun Feb 24 05:54:57 PST 2019

“The Thing!” by Brian A. Bendall

I once set out to make a fiend,
A gruesome thing that no one's seen.
A massive gore of teeth and claws
With sixteen eyes and monster paws.

Before I started out to cook,
I checked out first my Potions Book.
With some touches of my own,
I knew I'd hear my monster moan.

I finally found the perfect pot,
Huge and black and rusted not,
To place it on a fire bright
And waited for the dark of night.

The darkness came, none too soon,
And in the shining of the moon,
I began my task with hopes to fix
The makings for my monster mix.

I filled the pot half-full with grease,
And so began my monster-piece.
I added pints of castor oil
And waited for my mix to boil.

I put in five potato eyes,
A chicken's tooth and watched it rise.
A lock of hair, a roach, a worm!
I stirred it so it would not burn!

Beetle guts, hornet's feet,
Finger nails, rancid meat,
A turtle's toes, a garter snake!
So far, this was a piece of cake!

Then I put in weasel liver,
A centipede, a caterpillar,
Seven hairs from top a fly,
A horse's tongue, a lizard's eye!

Oxen hooves and turkey neck,
A gremlin's ear (just a speck),
Maggot slime, a walrus knuckle.
It smelled so good, I had to chuckle!

I listened to it curl and tip.
I took a spoon and had a sip!
And as I heard it bump and crunch,
I settled back to have my lunch.

I put the lid on good and tight.
I let it simmer all that night.
And all that day I let it brew.
All next night and the next day, too.

Then, that night, the moment came
To see if I had worked in vain.
I pried the lid with tender care,
Wondering what I'd find in there.

I held my breath, peeked inside.
I saw it...and I burst with pride!
I threw the lid aside, at last,
And danced around the pot of gas!

And through the gas the creature rose,
With sixteen eyes, a big black nose,
Fangs, hair and ten inch claws,
Warts, lice and monster paws!

It groaned! It gasped! It grunted, too!
Just why it lived, I wish I knew!
"It must be luck! A chance! A fluke!"
I chose a name and called it, "Duke"!

"Here, Duke!" I called, with outstretched hand.
Did it really understand?
It did! It did! For Duke complied!
It looked so good, I almost cried!

With happy eyes I watched it slip,
Squirm, slide, slither and dip.
Slow, at first, then like a shot,
Duke turned around....and ate the pot!

It ate the table and the chair,
And my book a laying there!
Then it ate my frying pans,
My overcoat and garbage cans.

My couch, my lamps, my stove, my suit!
I have to say, it did look cute.
But was this the monster in my mind?
Did I create a Frankenstein?!

My telephone and TV set,
But Duke? It wasn't finished yet!
My shower, toilet, tub and sink!
My sanity was at the brink!

Then Duke stopped, to my surprise,
And looked at me with thankful eyes.
I never dreamed it'd be so wild!
Duke cocked its head....and then it smiled.

Today, it's eaten all I own!
I barely even have a home!
So, I'm worried by one thing, you see,
It's that one day ... Duke ... might ... eat...


Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .

"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)
Tom Hansen
Moscow, Idaho

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