[Vision2020] The right to be dead (Andy Borowitz)

[Ron Force]

March 29, 2012
An Argument Against Healthcare
From the National Alliance of Funeral Directors  
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – The following message was released today by the National Alliance of Funeral Directors:

This week, several Republican Supreme Court Justices have argued that 
the Affordable Care Act supported by the Obama Administration is 
unconstitutional.  At the National Alliance of Funeral Directors, we 
couldn’t agree more.

It was Revolutionary War hero Patrick Henry who said, in 1775, “Give me 
liberty or give me death.”  From that moment on, legal scholars have 
agreed that the Constitution guarantees every American the liberty to be
 dead.  Here at the Alliance, we will fight for your right to be dead to
 the death.

Let’s take a look, if you will, at the Second Amendment of the 
Constitution, which protects every American’s right to shoot another 
American.  It says nothing about giving the person who is shot health 
insurance to prevent him from dying.  This cherished constitutional 
right to shoot people and make them dead is currently recognized in all 
fifty states, most recently Florida.

In commenting on the Affordable Care Act this week, Justice Samuel Alito
 compared the Obama healthcare plan to burial insurance.  
Coincidentally, burial insurance is the Republican healthcare plan, and 
one that we enthusiastically support.  Under this plan, every American 
would be mandated to buy a coffin from one of our member-owned and 
operated funeral homes.  May we recommend the Peaceful Valley Royale,™ a
 luxury mahogany casket with sienna satin interior and the finest 
imitation antique nickel handles ($2899).

As the organization representing America’s funeral directors, 
gravediggers, embalmers and cremators, we are confident that the Supreme
 Court will ultimately do the right thing and decide that healthcare 
flies in the face of every American’s constitutional right to the 
pursuit of deadness.  And when they do, we’ll be waiting for you.

Sincerely,

The National Alliance of Funeral Directors
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