[Vision2020] Ques. For you: What is Most Important in a Relationship?

[Donovan Arnold]

Ken, you wrote,
 
"Odd may not be the optimal diction, but to the extent that you appear to believe the "dumb blonde" development theory, i.e., one may be beautiful and dumb or ugly and brilliant, but not beautiful and brilliant, with ugly and dumb being ignored all around, you may uncharitably caricature yourself as juvenile, trite, and tiresome."
 
Clarification; you think someone being young and immature is the same as not being intelligent? I don't. Men, unlike women, don't have a fully developed frontal cortex, the reasoning portion of the brain, until their mid twenties. I don't think it is shallow to want a partner who is completely mature and developed, not still developing the physically and emotionally control centers of their brain. This is entirely different than intelligence. Someone can be highly intelligent at 18, 21 or 26, yet still not be stable and emotionally developed. I don't' want to date someone immature. Further, while I can converse just fine with someone at any age, this is very different that connecting and relating to them. Until a person has reached their thirties, they have spent the majority of their life living with mom and dad not in the real world. They have not had enough experiences as an adult to relate to me. 
 
I would consider it far more immature of me to try and have a long term relationship with someone nearly half my age. And the only reason I would be doing it would be the person's youth and looks, which to me would be very shallow and superficial. 
 
As for old and dumb people, I have yet to meet one. All people are smart and beautiful in one way or another and not that bright in others. Even Albert Einstein would forget to comb his hair and about the needs of his wife and child. 
 
Marylin Monroe once proposed to Einstein that they have a baby because a person with her looks and his brains would have a lot of advantages. However, Einstein declined, because of the possibility that the baby could end up with his looks and her brains. 
 
Donovan J. Arnold
 
PS. Learning another language is an excellent idea, but has to be done at a very young age. Otherwise it is just memorization and the words don't have the emotionial conncetion they are intented to, they are simply functionial. I can learn Spanish written but not spoken because I cannot hear certain sounds used in the Spanish language that are not in the English language. After a certain age, your brain reassignes the portions of the brain that were dedeicated to hearing and speaking certain sounds for other functions if not used in childhood.
 

From: Kenneth Marcy <kmmos1 at frontier.com>
To: 
Cc: Moscow Vision2020 <vision2020 at moscow.com> 
Sent: Thursday, July 19, 2012 11:12 PM
Subject: Re: [Vision2020] Ques. For you: What is Most Important in a Relationship?


On 7/19/2012 6:32 PM, Donovan Arnold wrote:

Very good insights Ken and Wayne. Thank you! 
> 
>As I was saying to Scott, I don't know about the "same as you in a partner" theory. I know scientists state this, but I just like variety I guess. If someone is like me, they are boring to me. I enjoy a mystery wrapped in an enigma. There are differences I think that can even compliment, I think, and improve or help the both of you.
The complementarity in couples idea appears in some personality theories. Carl G. Jung's Personality Types, and the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, a personality inventory instrument described by its author Isabel Briggs Myers in her book Gifts Differing, and second-generation follow-on books such as Type Talk, Type Talk at Work, and Type Talk in Love, by Kroeger and Thueson, can give you overviews and working knowledge of the system. These are just the top of the pile; many more MBTI resources are available, with the search for, and the discovery of, the better ones being part of the research process that is to be enjoyed.


"The different strokes for different strokes" I think is very true. What one person likes another might be repulsed by. The reason I asked about looks versus personality is that I also perceived it as an either or situation. You either get someone that looks exactly like you want a partner to and are highly attracted to them, or they have the personality and behavior you enjoy in a partner. Someone you love talking to, or someone you love looking at. For me, I don't think it is possible to have both. I love the interesting older, mature mind that only comes with an older man, but I like the body that comes with a younger man. I figure, it is best to shoot for the middle somewhere. Someone that you greatly enjoy talking to, but is still attractive enough to keep it physical too. Am I odd in thinking that way? 
Odd may not be the optimal diction, but to the extent that you appear to believe the "dumb blonde" development theory, i.e., one may be beautiful and dumb or ugly and brilliant, but not beautiful and brilliant, with ugly and dumb being ignored all around, you may uncharitably caricature yourself as juvenile, trite, and tiresome.

Certainly there are bodacious brains aplenty in the world, as reviewing most university graduation ceremonies will reveal; suggesting they don't exist fails to compliment your observations and their accomplishments. That you prefer individuals with more specific and particular characteristics only adds search requirements to your to do list, but that should not cause you to assume brilliant beauty does not exist because such does not appear in your search results.

If you find your range of conversational choices limited, perhaps you need to make efforts to expand your lingual range. Do you only speak one language? How about adding another one or two or three? The latinate romance languages that spread their vulgar varieties beyond the Rome that spawned them may hold keys to the conversational cultures that you seek. If you have not yet started learning Spanish, then French, then Italian, perhaps now is the time to create some more motivation to add multilingual to your personal description.


Ken

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