[Vision2020] Up for a Smile?

[Moscow Cares]

Can you imagine the Nun sitting at her  desk grading these papers, all the while trying to keep a straight face and  maintain her composure!

PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE  WORDING AND SPELLING.  IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND  THIS HILARIOUS!  
IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST.  

KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS  ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS.  THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE  BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN.  THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR  CORRECTED.  INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT  IN. 


1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE  BIBLE, GUINESSIS, GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH  OFF. 

2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN  APPLE TREE.  NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK.  NOAH BUILT AN  ARK  AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN  PEARS.  

3. LOTS WIFE WAS A  PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE  NIGHT.  

4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD  PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC  GENITALS. 

5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN  WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE  DELILAH.  

6. SAMSON SLAYED THE  PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE  APOSTLES.  

7. MOSES LED THE  JEWS TO THE RED  SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS  BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.  

8. THE EGYPTIANS  WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO  MOUNT  CYANIDE TO  GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.  

9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENT  WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.  

10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT  IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT  ADULTERY.  

11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA .  THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE  BATTLE  
   
OF  GERITOL.  

12. THE GREATEST  MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED  HIM. 

13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS  SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO  LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES. 

14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVID'S  SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700  PORCUPINES. 

15. WHEN MARY HEARD  SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA  CARTA.  

16. WHEN THE THREE WISE  GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.  

17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE  MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE  CONTRAPTION.  

18.   ST. JOHN ,  THE BLACKSMITH, DUMPED WATER ON HIS  HEAD.  

19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE,  WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A  MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE. 

20. IT WAS A MIRICLE  WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE   TOMBSTONE OFF  THE ENTRANCE.  

21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE  LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.  

22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE  APOSTLES. 

23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST.  MATTHEW, WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN. 

24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY.  HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR  MARRAIGE.  

25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE  SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.
  
Seeya later, Moscow.

Tom Hansen
Post Falls, Idaho

"If not us, who?
If not now, when?"

- Unknown


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