[Vision2020] Firearms on Campus: Why you SHOULD support it

[Donovan Arnold]

As I roamed the campus of UI during my years as an undergrad and grad student I noticed only one thing missing from campus. It wasn’t proper lighting. It certainly wasn’t hall monitors to keep students from sticking their butts out the windows and falling to the bushes below. It absolutely wasn’t security guards to protect students from getting their cars vandalized or to disrupt student brawls at tailgate parties. Nor what was missing more teachers, more bandwidth, or affordable housing. Nope, what was and is still missing from the lives of our impressionable, intoxicated, brawling, young partiers dangling body parts out windows is, of course, firearms! How could have I missed the obvious!
            It makes sense to add firearm carrying to the campus environment. College and university campuses are places for learning after all. We learn best from our mistakes. And with firearms on campus with young people and alcohol, we will see many mistakes splattered all over campus. There will be a whole lot of learning going on. We also never know who the UI is going to hire. It might possibly be someone that might try to stalk and kill you, maybe perhaps some kind of associate professor. 
            However, we all know the most important reason for possessing firearms on campus, personal protection. I know that when someone is about to shoot me, they will announce they are going to do so and I will have time to draw and shoot my gun first, thus protecting myself. And even if they don’t have the courtesy of informing me they are going to shoot me and I hear them blowing people goodbye on the Hello Walk, I will run up and protect everyone by entering into a reenactment of the OK Corral on the Administration Lawn. This will undoubtedly be the best approach to ending such a situation. My expert marksmanship will result in only a mild disruption of students playing a good game of Frisbee golf on the grassy knoll. For good measure we should arm and train the UI tagged squirrels for backup. Our squirrely furry friends deserve their Second Amendment rights too in protection of their homes. God bless America, and our right to bear
 arms, except in archery class, that would be just crazy talk. 
 
Donovan Arnold
-------------- next part --------------
An HTML attachment was scrubbed...
URL: <http://mailman.fsr.com/pipermail/vision2020/attachments/20111014/38dec512/attachment.html>