[Vision2020] Dear Red States

[Tom Hansen]

>From a friend and fellow Vision 2020 subscriber . . .

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Dear Red States: 
 
We' ve decided we' re leaving. We intend to form our own country, and 
we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren' t aware, 
that includes: California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, 
Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split 
will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new 
country of New California.
 
To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We 
get stem-cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. 
You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get World Com. We get 
Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85 percent of America' s venture 
capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax 
revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share  
 
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian 
Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single 
moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-
war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If 
you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're 
apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't 
care if you don' t show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. 
We do wish you success in Iraq, and hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're 
not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire. 
 
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of 
the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and 
lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's 
quality wines, 90 percent of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech 
industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias 
and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Berkeley, 
CalTech and MIT. With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to 
cope with 88 percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health 
care costs), 92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the 
tornadoes, 90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern 
Baptists, virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob 
Jones University , Clemson and the University of Georgia. We get Hollywood 
and Yosemite, thank you. 
 
Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was 
actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless 
we' re discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say 
that evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 
9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with 
higher morals then we lefties. 
 
Finally, we' re taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they 
grow in Mexico. 

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Seeya at the polls, Moscow.

Tom Hansen
Moscow, Idaho
 
"We're a town of about 23,000 with 10,000 college students. The college 
students are not very active in local elections (thank goodness!)."

- Dale Courtney (March 28, 2007)


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