[Vision2020] History 101

Tony tonytime at clearwire.net
Tue Mar 20 23:19:26 PDT 2007


FW: History 101Dick, thank you so much for forwarding the truth about evolution as it was influenced by beer.  The resulting splitting of the species into 2 subgroups, liberal, and conservatives, was interesting.  You may wish, in your studies, to peruse the comments of former Interior Secretary James Watt.  His investigations and experience led him to conclude, along this line, that there are two kinds of people: liberals and Americans.

The pursuit of truth continues.  Keep sharing your research with us Dr. Sherwin.

Dr. Tony Simpson
Sudznbubbls University

  ----- Original Message ----- 
  From: Dick Sherwin 
  To: Tony Simpson ; Tom Hansen ; Susan Fagan ; Susan Carlin ; Steph Gossage ; Marc Condrey ; Kittykat74u at aol.com ; Jesse Dinnell ; Jennifer L Wolfe ; g. crabtree ; Dick Flerchinger ; Deanne ; Dan & Jo Burgess ; D Carlin ; Cindi Mader ; Christy ; Cherylene ; Bruce Gebhart ; amber rotella 
  Sent: Tuesday, March 20, 2007 6:29 PM
  Subject: History 101






  Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic
  hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and
  would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

  The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer
  and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the
  beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the
  catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

  1. Liberals; and
  2. Conservatives.

  Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of
  agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so
  while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented,
  they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

  Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night
  while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as
  the Conservative movement.

  Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off
  the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the
  sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal
  movement.

  Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became
  known as girliemen.

  Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the
  invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting
  to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

  Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most
  powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the
  jackass.

  Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white
  wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well
  done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

  Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher
  testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury
  attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are
  liberals.  Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't
  fair to make the pitcher also bat.

  Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for
  their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,
  construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate
  executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively.
  Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work
  for a living.

  Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and
  decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more
  enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in
  Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the
  Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for
  nothing.

  Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal
  may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding
  it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute
  truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true
  believers and to more liberals just to piss them off.



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