[Vision2020] A Surreal Day

[Tom Hansen]

>From "The Sandbox at:

http://gocomics.typepad.com/the_sandbox/

Let me preface this posting with a brief explanation of how a Bradley line
unit is configured.

There are four platoons in a line unit.  They are color-coded for
communication purposes.  The colors, and their respective platoons, are:

Black - Headquarters Platoon (Commanding Officer, Executive Officer, unit
supply, admin, etc.)

Red - First Platoon

White - Second Platoon

Blue - Third Platoon

Each platoon consists of five unique identifiers: 1 (first squad leader), 2
(second squad leader), 3 (platoon sergeant), 4 (fourth squad leader), and 6
(platoon leader).

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A SURREAL DAY
Name: Teflon Don
Posting date: 1/5/07
Stationed in: Ramadi, Iraq
Milblog url: acutepolitics.blogspot.com


It's been something of a surreal day. The air outside is thick with the
smoke from the garbage dump, where it seems there is nothing to burn besides
some sort of plastic. The acrid stench gives way to the crisper smoke from
the assortment of burn barrels, which are once again busy devouring remnents
of unkept letters and packages from homes far away. The night sky seems
impossibly bright overhead -- just a few days ago, it was nearly impossible
to walk around at night without bumping, tripping, and stumbling along. Now
it's easy to move. It's especially noticeable in town, where we gain next to
no benefit from dousing our vehicle lights. The dim twilight is still more
than enough to see by, and our trucks are large enough to stand out, even in
the more urban areas. But I'm getting off track. Back to this last 24 hours.

Let me preface this story I'm about to tell with a little background: Chuck
Norris is a gigantic cult phenomenon. Everyone knows a joke or two about the
man: "Chuck Norris has two speeds: Sleep and Kill."; "There is no Natural
Selection. There are creatures that die, and creatures Chuck allows to
live"; "Chuck Norris doesn't have a beard because he doesn't shave; Chuck
has a beard because razors are scared of him." References to the man are
everywhere, and nearly all of them are as odd or inane as those. Whether
they make sense or not, these little sayings are written inside bunkers,
latrines, vehicles -- anywhere someone might think to write something.

While I was out on mission last night, one of the Bradley Fighting Vehicles
that compose our security escort called up the escort commander on the radio
during a lull in movement:

Red 1: Sir, did you hear they're taking one of my Bradleys tomorrow?

Red 6: Negative. Why?

R1: I guess Chuck Norris needs it for something.

R6: Say again?

R1: Chuck Norris is coming here tomorrow, and he's taking one of my
Bradleys.

R6: Is this one of those jokes you guys tell all the time?

We were sitting in the truck saying to ourselves, "What does Chuck Norris
need a Bradley for? Can't he just roundhouse kick the IED's away?" and
"Y'know, if he'd come here three years ago, we wouldn't still be here now!".


It turned out to be true. Every soldier's hero, Chuck Norris, came to the
ghetto of Iraq today. I wonder how many kids had their illusions shattered.

Tonight we went out on another mission, a short one, to clear part of one of
the main routes between here and all the other military bases in Iraq.
Coming back, we had a bomb explode near us. However, it was no ordinary
bomb. This one was a shell, strapped to what appeared to be a roller skate,
which was pulled across the road in front of us. Apparently the bad guys
have been watching too many old cartoons, and called Acme to order their
bomb. My truck has now earned the nickname "Roadrunner", for having survived
an attack by Wile E. Coyote.

Chuck Norris and bombs on skates. That's about all I can handle for one day.

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Seeya round town, Moscow.

Tom "formerly D-1-15 [Co D, 1st Bn, 15th Inf] White 3" Hansen
Moscow, Idaho

"Patriotism is not a short and frenzied outburst of emotion but the tranquil
and steady dedication of a lifetime." 

--Adlai E. Stevenson, Jr.