[Vision2020] From the Borowitz Report

[Carl Westberg]

NBC Launches ‘To Catch a Senator’
Chris Hansen to Stake Out Airport Bathrooms

“Dateline,” the NBC newsmagazine which has scored big ratings for its “To 
Catch a Predator” investigations, announced today that it would introduce a 
new investigative series this fall, entitled “To Catch a Senator.”

At a press conference in New York, NBC News president Steve Capus said that 
“To Catch a Senator” would focus the “Dateline” investigation team’s 
energies on “the number one menace in America today: pervy Republican 
senators.”

While he indicated that plans for the program are still being developed, Mr. 
Capus said that “To Catch a Senator” would use an airport bathroom as the 
nerve center for its sting operation.

Specifically, he said that the program would deploy “Predator” host Chris 
Hansen as a decoy to lure depraved senators into lewd contact.

“Chris will be waiting in one of the bathroom stalls, and when the senator 
taps on the wall, Chris will kind of pop out of the stall and start grilling 
him,” Mr. Capus said. “We’ll nail that bastard faster than he can say ‘I’m 
not gay.’”

But even as NBC trumpeted its latest “Dateline” spin-off, industry insiders 
wondered whether there would be an adequate supply of sex-crazed senators to 
keep the program going for more than a few episodes.

For his part, Mr. Capus brushed off such concerns, telling reporters, “As 
long as there are Republican senators out there who oppose gay marriage, 
there will always be plenty of pervs.”

Elsewhere, President Bush praised Pakistan’s General Pervez Musharraf for 
agreeing to stand for election, saying, “If free and fair elections work in 
Pakistan, we may eventually try them here.”

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