[Vision2020] A Mother's Plea

[nickgier at adelphia.net]

Greetings:

The author is a philosophy professor at Albertsons College, but don't hold that against her because I think all reasonable Visionaries will be moved by her column.

Article published May 13, 2006 in the Idaho Statesman

Elizabeth Wakeman: I don't favor my straight children — and nneither should Idaho

I am the mother of four sons. I love them equally, but they are different in so many ways. Like most brothers, they do not always get along, but they love each other very much. We are a family.

I have similar hopes and dreams for all of my sons, despite their differences. I want them to grow up to be strong. I want them to stand up for what they believe is right. I want them to be kind and sympathetic to their fellow citizens. I want them to be happy. I hope they fall in love, that they find someone with whom they can share their lives, because sharing my life with another person has enriched me in so many ways. My husband pushes me to be my best self and accepts me when I am my worst self. I want them to have that: someone to care for, and someone to care for them. I want to dance at their weddings. I want them to bring me grandchildren.
Of course, I don't always get what I want. I accept that my sons, each of them being so different, may travel different paths in their lives. They may never fall in love. Even if they do, they may choose not to marry, or decide not to parent. They may live lives quite different from my own, and from what I want for them. That is their right, and I accept it.

I cannot, however, accept that my fellow citizens may vote to enshrine in our state constitution an amendment saying that two of my sons may never have what their brothers may have. Two of my sons are heterosexual. They can marry in the state of Idaho. If their spouse falls ill, they are guaranteed the right to visit her in the hospital, participate in conversations with doctors about her care, and can take time off from work to see her well. And they know their spouse will have the protections necessary to care for them in the same situation. They can raise their children as equal partners, sharing in all of the protections (insurance, leave, inheritance) of a married family.

Their brothers, though equal in my love, are not equal in the law. Two of my sons are gay, and many of the protections my heterosexual sons will have when married are denied to them. They can be kicked out of a hospital room, even denied the right to make medical decisions on behalf of their partner, because they aren't "family."
They can lose their property, even their livelihoods, at the sudden death of their partner, because Idaho inheritance laws do not protect unmarried relationships. No matter how many years they might be in a committed relationship, they are, in the eyes of the state, nothing more than strangers to their partners.

I am told this amendment is necessary to protect families. I look at my boys and I just don't understand. How can the protection of one hurt the other? How can denying the rights of two of my sons make the other two safer? When you go to vote this November, remember my sons. Remember that the people whose lives you will affect have mothers. Mothers who are proud of their children, gay or straight, and feel they all have the right to share their lives with someone they love. Mothers who want to dance at all their children's weddings.
Elizabeth Wakeman is president of Parents, Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, Treasure Valley Chapter.