[Vision2020] Irish Proverbs and Funnies

[Tom Hansen]

Irish Proverbs 

* May you live as long as you want, and never want as long as you live. 

* Continual cheerfulness is a sign of wisdom. 

* A change of work is as good as a rest. 

* Trouble hates nothing as much as a smile. 

* A good retreat is better than a bad stand. 

* Time is a great story teller. 

* The work praises the man. 

* There is light at the end of the tunnel. 

* You will never plough a field if you only turn it over in your mind. 

* A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book. 

* Reputations last longer than lives. 

* Don't postpone a good deed. 

* Making the beginning is one third of the work. 

* If God shuts one door, he opens another

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Irish Olympics 

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman were without tickets for the
opening ceremonies of the summer Olympics but hoped to be able to talk their
way in at the gate. 

Security was very tight, however, and each of their attempts was met with a
stern refusal. While wandering around outside the stadium, the Englishman
came upon construction site, which gave him an idea. 

Grabbing a length of scaffolding, he presented himself at the gate and said,
"Johnson, the pole vault," and was admitted. 

The Scotsman, overhearing this, went at once to search the site. When he
came up with a sledge hammer, he presented himself at the gate and said,
"McTavish, the hammer." He was also admitted. 

The Irishman combed the site for an hour and was nearly ready to give up
when he spotted his ticket in. Seizing a roll of barbed wire, he presented
himself at the gate and announced, "O'Sullivan, fencing!" 

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More Irish Funnies

A drunk gets on a bus and asks the conductor how long the trip is between
Limerick to Cork. "About 2 hours," says the conductor. 

"Okay," says the drunk, "then how long is the trip between Cork to
Limerick?" 

The irate conductor says to the drunk "It's still about 2 hours, man. 

"Why'd ya think there'd be a difference?" 

"Well," says the drunk, "It's only a week between Christmas and New Year's,
but it's a helluva long time between New Year's to Christmas!" 

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Mrs. Pete Monaghan came into the newsroom to pay for her husband's obituary.


She was told by the kindly newsman that it was a dollar a word and he
remembered Pete and wasn't it too bad about him passing away. She thanked
him for his kind words and bemoaned the fact that she only had two dollars. 

But she wrote out the obituary, "Pete died." The newsman said he thought old
Pete deserved more and he'd give her three more words. Mrs. Pete Monaghan
thanked him and rewrote the obituary: "Pete died. Boat for sale." 

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"The Orange and the Green" by the Irish Rovers
http://www.tomandrodna.com/Sounds/Orange_and_Green.mp3

Seeya round town, Moscow.

Tom Hansen
Moscow, Idaho


"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways, chocolate in one hand, a drink in the other, body thoroughly used
up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO. What a ride!'"