[Vision2020] Some Rules of Life (Humor)

[Tom Hansen]

Some Rules of Life 

* Lerman's Law of Technology: Any technical problem can be overcome given
enough time and money. Corollary: You are never given enough time or money. 

* Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five
items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will
forget two of the first five. 

* Law of the Search: The first place to look for anything is the last place
you would expect to find it. Corollary: It will not be in the last place you
expect to find it. 

* Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the
corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed. 

* The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your
taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay. 

* Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what
happens. 

* First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to
be doing, you'll want to be doing something else. 

* Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references. 

* Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will
soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale. 

* Kenny's Law of Auto Repair: The part requiring the most consistent repair
or replacement will be housed in the most inaccessible location. 

* Second Law of Business Meetings: If there are two possible ways to spell a
person's name, you will pick the wrong one. Corollary - If there is only one
way to spell a name, you will spell it wrong anyway. 

* The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from
the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag. 

* Yeager's Law: Washing machines break down only during the wash cycle.
Corollary: All breakdowns occur on the plumber's day off. 

* Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go
unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking
lot. 

* Quile's Consultation Law: The job that pays the most will be offered when
there is no time to deliver the services. 

* Loftus' Law: Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know
who wrote the book or even which book it is. 

* Lovka's Dilemma: You never get away, you only get someplace else.

Seeya round town, Moscow.

Tom Hansen
Moscow, Idaho

"Uh, how about a 1-strike law. Death doesn't seem too extreme for a Level-3
sex offender."

- Dale "Comb-Over" Courtney (August 3, 2005)