[Vision2020] Deep Observations on Life

[Tom Hansen]

1) "When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--who died peacefully in
his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car." --Author
Unknown 

2) Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache,
do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away
from children." --Author Unknown 

3) "Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group
for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar." --Drew Carey 

4) "The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable
job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end
of the night, drop them off at the wrong house." --Jeff Foxworthy 

5) "If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an
infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even
considering if there is a man on base." --Dave Barry 

6) "Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat
it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should
give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and the day
before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp." --Bob Ettinger 

7) "My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the
lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach
you how to swim'." --Paula Poundstone 

8) "A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills
than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: "Duh." --Conan
O'Brien 

9) "Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my
fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be eating a slow learner."
--Lynda Montgomery 

10) "I think that's how Chicago got started. Bunch of people in New York
said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold
enough. Let's go west.'" --Richard Jeni

Take care, Moscow.

Tom Hansen
Moscow, Idaho


"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving
safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways, chocolate in one hand, a drink in the other, body thoroughly used
up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO. What a ride!'"