[Vision2020] [CORRECTED] The Unhappy Feet of Ed Iverson

[Tom Hansen]

>From today's (December 11, 2006) Moscow-Pullman Daily News with thanks to
Rebecca Rod -

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The unhappy feet of Ed Iverson 

Ooch! Seems the highly acclaimed kid's movie "Happy Feet" stepped hard on
Grampa Iverson's toes (Opinion, Dec. 2 & 3). Watch out everyone. When Grampa
Ed is mad, you know what that means - plenty of verbal lashings with his
bully pulpit newspaper column. Take that, you dancing penguins [SEE BELOW]
And that, you secularist Hollywood intoleristas. Stand back and bow low, for
Iverson's wrath is mighty. Heavens. This is what it's come to - diatribes
about cartoon characters? Public whippings for little "Happy Feet?" 

Here's a bigger question - where are the happy Christians? You know, the
ones who're supposed to be spreading the good news? Seems all we hear these
days are the protests of punitive paranoiacs like Ed Iverson whose public
purpose is to suck joy out of the world and bear bad witness every chance
they get - including rants about cartoon characters. 

Perhaps some of the blame for Iverson's particular sour dourness can be laid
at the un-happy feet of his denomination's own mad grandfather, John Calvin.
His grudge against the Pope fueled the fires of the Reformation some 500
years ago, but he also went so far as to burn alive other reformers who
disagreed with him. 

Fortunately for us, Iverson is limited to poison pen letters, and because
they are publicized in our local paper, we have the opportunity to hold his
feet to the fire now and then - but only figuratively - leaving him alive
and free to share more of his dreary religious views with us yet another
day. What a waste - he does look so jolly in his picture. 

Rebecca Rod, Moscow

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>From the December 2, 2006 edition of the Moscow-Pullman Daily News -

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HIS VIEW: Penguins aren't pawns in propaganda parade 

By Ed Iverson 
Saturday, December 2, 2006 - Page Updated at 12:00:00 AM 

One of the hot shows for the holidays is a propaganda piece featuring
penguins. Now, I like penguins and that is why I object when they are used
as shills in one of the most blatant agenda pieces I ever had to sit
through. It was pure piffle, drivel and swill. 

This thing made "Fahrenheit 9/11" look objective. People who went to the
film industry's much-trumpeted screed against the Bush administration knew
they were going to watch propaganda. And anyway, Michael Moore is anything
but an adorable penguin. His drivel is less dangerous than "Happy Feet."
This is because poison in a marked bottle is less dangerous than poison
embedded in Halloween trick or treats. I resent paying good money to have my
grandchildren exposed to a two-hour advertisement disguised as wholesome
family fare. 

The plot line is remarkably thin. Penguins fall in love. Penguins make an
egg. Eggs must be treated with love and respect because they represent life.
(Hollywood is pro-life? Get out!) Baby penguin emerges from the egg dancing.
But he can't sing. This unpardonable defect passes for "high tension"
because the rest of the colony sings songs that alternate between a black
gospel choir and the suggestive racket found on MTV. 

Next, hide-bound, intolerant, preachy conservatives (who consider
differences as dangerous) boot the dancing teenage star from penguin
society. The rigid, old, colony bosses proclaim that the "different" teenage
penguin is responsible for the current famine. These "fundamentalist"
authorities teach that the penguin gods are angered because the colony has
foolishly followed this dancing upstart, hence the dearth of fish. 

Upon taking leave of his friends, the dancing fool vows to discover the real
cause of the dwindling fish catch. By this time, does anyone imagine the
"real cause" to be anything but greedy corporate interests intent on getting
all they can while they can? They don't care about the future of the
Antarctic fisheries. And they certainly don't give shoot about the
preservation of penguins or the rest of the food chain. Thus we are left to
assume. 

Oh, yes, back to the plot. Casting away his future and all chance for love,
our hero issues forth to locate the "aliens" responsible for the famine.
Interesting that while all his graduating class have grown really truly
tuxedo penguin suits, our hero remains dressed in his teenage sweatshirt and
baggies. This little device is reminiscent of Mark Twain, who believed in
youth. That is, he believed that only the young really lived. Once past the
time of youth, people were too apathetic to make a difference. 

Why can't I stay with the plot, if it may be accurately so called? Anyway,
with the serendipitous help of "other" penguins (the proverbial birds of a
different feather. Get it? Differences are good. Differences are to be
embraced), our hero discovers the evil Westerners raping and pillaging the
marine fisheries upon which the colony so desperately depends. 

We know the culprits are stand-ins for Western civilization because as hero
and friends arrive at the scene of the destruction, the view that leaps onto
the screen is a Christian church, cross and graveyard included. What bold
inference. What courageous conviction. What breathtaking symbolism. 

>From that point on, the film producers made no attempt to hide their agenda.
With the help of his happy feet, the feathered teenager miraculously rallies
the global community, which in turn universally asserts the evils of marine
harvesting. To top it off, the dancing hero (still a kid) proves the
backward, fundamentalist colony leaders wrong, and they, along with the
entire colony, proceed to dance the night away. 

If this film were produced by anyone but the beautiful people in Hollywood,
it would be scoffed down as preachy, agenda driven, and boring. My only
reward for the 50 spot we paid to take the family to this abomination was
that my grandsons thought the best part was the out-sized, mean sea lion
that came close to having the dancing fool for a snack. I liked that part
too. 

Ed Iverson is the head librarian at New Saint Andrews College in Moscow. He
earned a master's of library science at the University of Southern
Mississippi and studied theology at Regent College in Vancouver, British
Columbia. In 1990, he ran for the Idaho Senate as a Republican from Mullan.
He lives with his wife at Viola. They have two children and six
grandchildren.

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Seeya round town, Moscow.

Tom Hansen
Moscow, Idaho


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"People walking up to you
Singing glory hallelujah
And they're trying to sock it to you
In the name of the Lord."

- Joe South (from "Games People Play")
 
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