[Vision2020] City Staff & NSA

[deaconjames at verizon.net]

Dearest Visionaids,

When it comes to all of this NSA boarding house business, I have to say that I stand with Joan. The blame clearly falls on the city staff. They have the responsibility to enforce our impeccable city Code; that burden should not have to fall upon the citizens living either inside or outside of our hallowed community.

Of course, doubters will say that there are not enough people employed by the city to keep track of every last residence, but I say “Bosh!” The city needs to stop turning a blind eye to its responsibilities and start enforcing the Code. This has gone on far too long.  

What we need is the Moscow Zoning Code Enforcement Task Force. I propose that all concerned citizens (Opyr, Woolf, Hansen, Lund, et al.) join hands with the city in coming up with a questionnaire. But not just any questionnaire, mind you; I’m talking about the mother of all questionnaires. A questionnaire so broad in scope, every single violation of the Code could be easily identified. (I’m thinking that something in the neighborhood of 196 pages should do it.) This would not only hold the city staffers accountable, it would also drive our local Love-of-the-Coders absolutely wild (in a good way – not wild like they are now).

It goes without saying that this would take a lot to implement, so the plan should start out small. The questionnaire should be sent out to a random sampling of roughly 200 Moscow households entirely consisting of Christ Church members and NSA students. That way, all responses can be checked for accuracy by the task force’s special-ops/espionage team.

I don’t pretend to know as much about the Code as Dustin Bauer or Don Huskey, but here are a few questions that you could include:

-	How many people live at your residence?
-	How many immediate family members live at your residence? 
-	How many people pay money to live at your residence?
-	Do you own any dogs? If so, how many? 
-	Do you own any cats? If so, how many? 
-	Do you own any chickens? If so, how many?
-	Do you own any horses? If so, how many?
-	Do you own any cows? If so, how many?
-	Do you own any koalas? If so, how many?
-	Do you own any primates? If so, how many?
-	Do you own any lizards over three (3) feet long? If so, how many?
-	How many vehicles do residents of your home own? 
-	How many of these vehicles are regularly parked in the street?
-	How many of these vehicles are regularly parked in your lawn?
-	How many of these vehicles are regularly driven across your neighbors’ lawns?
-	Does your home have any exposed internal wiring in the main living area?
-	Have you ever burned leaves at your residence? 
-	Have you ever burned tree branches at your residence? 
-	Have you ever burned grass clippings at your residence? 
-	Have you ever burned newpapers at your residence? 
-	Have you ever burned books at your residence? 
-	Have you ever burned tires at your residence? 
-	Does anyone at your residence live in a bathroom? 
-	Does anyone at your residence live in a shoe? 
-	Does anyone at your residence live in a pumpkin shell?

Take care,

Deacon