[Vision2020] A Rastafarian Parable

[Saundra Lund]

Dear Visionaries:

As a Bishop of The Church of Auntie Establishment, I want to reassure the
community that while we're incorporating ganja into our worship practices,
we will never, ever rent the Kibbie Dome to hold a festival, demand special
treatment by being allowed to toke up inside, and then throw around empty,
false, and shrill cries of "Religious Persecution!" when we're told that
just won't work.

I promise  ;-)


Saundra Lund
Moscow, ID

The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good people to do
nothing.
- Edmund Burke

***** Original material contained herein is Copyright 2005, Saundra Lund.
Do not copy, forward, excerpt, or reproduce outside the Vision 2020 forum
without the express written permission of the author.*****

-----Original Message-----
From: vision2020-bounces at moscow.com [mailto:vision2020-bounces at moscow.com]
On Behalf Of Joan Opyr
Sent: Wednesday, April 12, 2006 10:04 AM
To: Vision2020 Moscow
Subject: [Vision2020] A Rastafarian Parable

Dear Visionaries:

In light of our ongoing communal acceptance of repeated zoning violations,
serial law breaking, and a general disregard for secular government IF AND
ONLY IF the offender claims a religious exemption, The Church of Auntie
Establishment is pleased to announce that we will be adopting one of the key
sacraments of Rastafarianism: smoking ganja. 
  Yes, from now on, toking up on whacky weed will be the centerpiece of The
C of AE religious experience.  Yah!

We understand that there are state and federal laws against growing,
possessing, and distributing marijuana, but we are a Church.  Our leader
(that's me) is an ordained minister, licensed to wed the living and bury the
dead (but not vice-versa) in all fifty states.  I am sorry if our plans in
any way inconvenience, outrage, offend or annoy the elected officials of
Latah County or the City of Moscow.  What can I say?  Laissez faire le
pot-heads, dudes, and laissez les bontemps roulez!

I am also really sorry to blow smoke in the face of our hard-working
sheriff's deputies, our underpaid ought-to-be-unionized police officers, and
our strait-laced neighbors, but a church has gotta do what a church has
gotta do, and this church has got to make a beer can into a bong.  All I
need is a carburetor and then . . . huh? What?  Oh, you want to know why?
It's because you can't have a bong without a carburetor and . . . oh, I see.
The other why.  Um, well, the thing is that Bob Marley came to me in this
dream, and he was all purple haze-y and stuff, and he sang . . . well, I
don't remember what he sang, but it was very, very cool and it was all about
smoking marijuana and seeing the light.  Now that I think about it, the
light didn't come from a beer can at all.  It came from this multi-colored
Turkish water pipe I saw for sale at the Art Glass Emporium up in Spokane.
If anyone's going up there this weekend, can I bum a ride?

Yeah.  Back to business.  In accordance with our new-found sacrament, The
Church of Auntie Establishment's educational wing, the New Money-Spinning
Pyramid Scheme, will offer courses in rolling joints, making roach clips out
of "borrowed" office supplies, and hot-knifing on your parents' stove when
your bud supply is really low.  We will house our students -- who will
number in the hundreds as soon as word reaches the Rainbow Family -- in a
series of flop houses located in various residential zones throughout the
city.  Listen: don't mind us.  
If our VW vans get in your way, or if we should happen to drive over your
lawn or your garden gnome or your grandma or your cat, well, you know,
that's just how it is.  Life is a circle.  You need to lighten up, okay?
You need to go with the flow.  Take it easy.  Look at all the pretty colors.
Peace, brothers and sisters, peace.

Hey, does anyone have any tortilla chips or Twinkies or popcorn or something
because I'm starving!

Joan Opyr/Auntie Establishment
www.joanopyr.com

NOTE: This parable is in fact a parody.  The Church of Auntie Establishment
does not encourage the growing, smoking, or selling of illegal substances.
We are law-abiding citizens, kind of.  A few of us do have radar detectors.
Anyhow, if Homeland Security is reading this, I do not have the President's
premium bud.  I don't know where he put it.  Perhaps Laura smoked it all.
Again.




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