[Vision2020] A Rastafarian Parable

[Joan Opyr]

Dear Visionaries:

In light of our ongoing communal acceptance of repeated zoning 
violations, serial law breaking, and a general disregard for secular 
government IF AND ONLY IF the offender claims a religious exemption, 
The Church of Auntie Establishment is pleased to announce that we will 
be adopting one of the key sacraments of Rastafarianism: smoking ganja. 
  Yes, from now on, toking up on whacky weed will be the centerpiece of 
The C of AE religious experience.  Yah!

We understand that there are state and federal laws against growing, 
possessing, and distributing marijuana, but we are a Church.  Our 
leader (that's me) is an ordained minister, licensed to wed the living 
and bury the dead (but not vice-versa) in all fifty states.  I am sorry 
if our plans in any way inconvenience, outrage, offend or annoy the 
elected officials of Latah County or the City of Moscow.  What can I 
say?  Laissez faire le pot-heads, dudes, and laissez les bontemps 
roulez!

I am also really sorry to blow smoke in the face of our hard-working 
sheriff's deputies, our underpaid ought-to-be-unionized police 
officers, and our strait-laced neighbors, but a church has gotta do 
what a church has gotta do, and this church has got to make a beer can 
into a bong.  All I need is a carburetor and then . . . huh? What?  Oh, 
you want to know why?  It's because you can't have a bong without a 
carburetor and . . . oh, I see.  The other why.  Um, well, the thing is 
that Bob Marley came to me in this dream, and he was all purple haze-y 
and stuff, and he sang . . . well, I don't remember what he sang, but 
it was very, very cool and it was all about smoking marijuana and 
seeing the light.  Now that I think about it, the light didn't come 
from a beer can at all.  It came from this multi-colored Turkish water 
pipe I saw for sale at the Art Glass Emporium up in Spokane.  If 
anyone's going up there this weekend, can I bum a ride?

Yeah.  Back to business.  In accordance with our new-found sacrament, 
The Church of Auntie Establishment's educational wing, the New 
Money-Spinning Pyramid Scheme, will offer courses in rolling joints, 
making roach clips out of "borrowed" office supplies, and hot-knifing 
on your parents' stove when your bud supply is really low.  We will 
house our students -- who will number in the hundreds as soon as word 
reaches the Rainbow Family -- in a series of flop houses located in 
various residential zones throughout the city.  Listen: don't mind us.  
If our VW vans get in your way, or if we should happen to drive over 
your lawn or your garden gnome or your grandma or your cat, well, you 
know, that's just how it is.  Life is a circle.  You need to lighten 
up, okay?  You need to go with the flow.  Take it easy.  Look at all 
the pretty colors.  Peace, brothers and sisters, peace.

Hey, does anyone have any tortilla chips or Twinkies or popcorn or 
something because I'm starving!

Joan Opyr/Auntie Establishment
www.joanopyr.com

NOTE: This parable is in fact a parody.  The Church of Auntie 
Establishment does not encourage the growing, smoking, or selling of 
illegal substances.  We are law-abiding citizens, kind of.  A few of us 
do have radar detectors.  Anyhow, if Homeland Security is reading this, 
I do not have the President's premium bud.  I don't know where he put 
it.  Perhaps Laura smoked it all.  Again.