[Vision2020] Darwin Awards!!!

[Ron Force]

These stories appear all over the Web, except at the DarwinAwards.com site.
The Darwin Awards certify their stories as true. They also don't show up in
a Lexis-Nexis news search. Oh well, still funny...

Here's the real winner for 2005:

Chimney-Cleaning Grenade
2005 Darwin Award Winner
Confirmed True by Darwin

(13 January 2005, Croatia) One fateful afternoon, 55-year-old Marko
retreated to his semi-detached workshop to make himself a tool for chimney
cleaning. The chimney was too high for a simple broom to work, but if he
could attach a brush to a chain and then weigh it down with something, that
would do the trick. But what could he use as a weight?

He happened to have the perfect object. It was heavy, yet compact. And best
of all, it was made of metal, so he could weld it to the chain. He must have
somehow overlooked the fact that it was also a hand grenade and was filled
with explosive material.

Marko turned on his welding apparatus and began to create an arc between the
chain and the grenade. As the metal heated up, the grenade exploded. The
force of the explosion killed poor Marko instantly, blasting shrapnel
through the walls of the shed and shattering the windshield of a Mercedes
parked outside. Marko's chimney was untouched, however.


**********************************************
Ron Force         Moscow ID USA
rforce at moscow.com
**********************************************

-----Original Message-----
From: vision2020-bounces at moscow.com
[mailto:vision2020-bounces at moscow.com]On Behalf Of Kai Eiselein,
LatahEagle Editor
Sent: Monday, April 03, 2006 4:12 PM
To: Vision2020 at Moscow. Com
Subject: [Vision2020] Darwin Awards!!!


Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards
are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.  Here then, are

The glorious winners:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the
barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting
machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of
Its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also
lost a
finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
During a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had
Taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be
Transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit
his
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone
waiting there a Free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
mental
hospital, telling The staff that the patients were very excitable and
prone
to bizarre Fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious
head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he
received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying
to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was
hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter,
and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man
Pulled
a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled,
leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got
from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you
money,
is a crime
committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided
that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window,
grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it
over
his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the
would-be
thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was
made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
Grabbed
her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman
was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.  Within
minutes, The police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car
and
drove
Back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to
stand
There for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her.
That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger
King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded
cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the
clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated,
walked
away.

*****A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on
a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived
at
the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying
To
steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press
charges,
saying That it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Kai Eiselein
Editor
Latah Eagle
521 S. Jackson
Moscow, ID 83843
(208) 882-0666

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