[Vision2020] Darwin Awards!!!

[Kai Eiselein, LatahEagle Editor]

Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards 
are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.  Here then, are 

The glorious winners:

1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim 
during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James 
Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the 
barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.....

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting 
machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his 
insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of 
Its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also
lost a
finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car
During a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had 
Taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus 
driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be 
Transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit
his 
incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone
waiting there a Free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the
mental
hospital, telling The staff that the patients were very excitable and
prone
to bizarre Fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious 
head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he  
received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying 
to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was
hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter,
and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man
Pulled
a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk 
promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, 
leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got 
from the drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you
money,
is a crime
committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided 
that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, 
grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it
over
his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the
would-be
thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was
made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
Grabbed
her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman 
was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.  Within
minutes, The police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car
and
drove 
Back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to
stand
There for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her.
That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger
King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded
cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash 
register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the 
clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated,
walked
away.

*****A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER*****

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on
a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived
at
the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near 
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying
To
steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's 
sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press
charges,
saying That it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

Kai Eiselein
Editor
Latah Eagle
521 S. Jackson
Moscow, ID 83843
(208) 882-0666