[Vision2020] A life in the day . . .

[Joan Opyr]

A day in the life of Doug F:

1) Wake up after night spent tossing and turning, worrying that 
feminists, lesbians, gays, Democrats, dog lovers, Jews, Unitarians, 
Muslims, atheists, blacks, Mexicans, Asians and Mariners fans might, 
just might, be living happy, joyful, and fulfilling lives.  Ponder how 
you can piss on their corn flakes.

2) Speaking of corn flakes, notice that Tony the Tiger seems to be 
wearing an ascot.  Is he gay?  That "It's greeeaaaat!" business is way 
to close to "It's fabulous!"  Phone Dale C. but discover that he eats 
Fruit Loops.  Resolve to ask Doug W. at next Head of Household meeting 
what kind of cereal men of chest eat.  Suspect it's Scottish oats with 
salt and pepper.  Dine accordingly.

3) Make list of ways to work personal reproductive excesses into daily 
conversation.  World must know that Doug F is not shooting blanks!

4) Werk on speling and gramer.  Will zing that Joan O on 2020 if it 
kills me!

5) Think about what gay men and lesbians do in bed.  Think about it 
some more.  Picture Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer in Top Gun.  Shudder.  
Take cold shower.  Read latest issue of the Navy Times.  Shudder some 
more.  Write fan letter to James Dobson.  And Tom Cruise.

6) Bored.  Read Vision 2020.  Opyr-Huskey household seem to be having 
fun.  Come up with term "thing-in-law."  That'll learn 'em!  Pee self 
laughing at own wit.  Change boxers and post whopping great hilarity to 
list.

7) Hilarity not widely appreciated but don't care.  Pat on back from 
Dale C. and Doug W.  Manly pats.  Very manly.  Re-read Navy Times.  See 
that Tom Cruise is on Pay Per View.  Set TiVo and fill bathtub with ice 
water.

8) Icewater *big* mistake.  Manhood has become an internal organ.  Call 
Dr. G in a panic.  He advises that Tom Cruise is on Pay Per View.  
Sometimes the cure is worse than the disease, but must keep up 
appearances.  Feet are already so small . . .

9) Supplement Cruise-watching with a heating pad, a glass of bourbon, 
and a Dominican cigar.  Very worried.  Still look as if suffering from 
Kleinfelter Syndrome.  
(http://www.flash-med.com/Symptoms2.asp?Symptom_Word=Kleinfelter).  Too 
old to rejoin Navy?

10) Take out inadequacies on Vision 2020.  Surpass self in nasty, 
unpleasant, un-Christian observations.  Feel sudden swelling of manly 
pride and . . . there we go, swelling spreads from brain cell to 
prostate.  Phew!  All systems restored.  Off to beddy-bye now and sweet 
dreams of . . . damn!

Tom Cruise, get out of my mind!  My love for you is way out of line!

Joan Opyr/Auntie Establishment
www.auntie-establishment.com
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