[Vision2020] 104 things to do at the NEW Wal-Mart

[TIM RIGSBY]

"Fun Things To Do At Walmart
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding 
them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the 
day.

4. Start playing Calvinball; see how many people you can get to join in.

5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air 
fresheners.

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

9. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin 
narrow aisles.

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've 
got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.

11. Get several of those frogs (that croak when somebody walks by) from the 
Garden Dept. and place in strategic locations throughout store.

12. Play with the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so 
long," etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment.

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough 
for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk, anyway?"

15. Repeat Number 14 in the jewelry department.

16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a 
test drive.

17. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. 
Continue to do this until they leave the department.

18. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your 
playing field.

19. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and 
say, "Wow. Magic!"

20. Put M&M's on layaway.

21. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite 
them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other 
aisles.

24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying,"I'm Batman. 
Come, Robin, to the Batcave!"

26. TP as much of the store as possible.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down.

29. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you 
people just leave me alone?"

30. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any 
in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"

31. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield 
with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

32. Take bets on the battle described above.

33. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

34. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: 
Impossible." 35. Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing 
your legs together and practically yell at him " I need some tampons!!"

36. Try on bras in the sewing/fabric department.

37. Try on bras over top of your clothes.

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags.

40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your 
Twinkies?"

41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

42. Two words: "Marco Polo." 43. Leave Cheerios in Lawn and Garden, pillows 
in the pet food aisle, etc.

44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics, while headbanging & playing 
air guitar to Willie Nelson demos. (Bonus: Braid hair & tie bandanna around 
head).

45. Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.

46. When someone steps away from their cart to look at something, quickly 
make off with it without saying a word.

47. Relax in the patio furniture until you get kicked out.

48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal 
position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"

49. Pay off layaways fifty cents at a time.

50. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the 
store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out 
much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.

51. Try putting different pairs of women's panties on your head and walk 
around the store casually.

52. Turn on toys that make noise or talk at random intervals, and leave them 
in strategic locations.

53. Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.

54. Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.

55. When two or three people are walking ahead of you, run between them, 
yelling, "Red Rover!"

56. Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you 
pick your nose.

57. Set up another battlefield with GI Joes vs. Barbies. (Red lipstick might 
give an interesting effect!!!)

58. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows 
where the anti-depressants are.

59. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on 
the doors of the rest room.

60. Fill your cart with boxes of condoms, and watch everyone's jaws drop 
when you attempt to buy them.

61. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various 
funnels.

62. Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things 
like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the 
clothes are talking to them.

63. Beg the greeter for those happy-face stickers. Stick them on your face, 
then stand next to him and copy whatever he says when customers walk in.

64. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.

65. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking 
it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good bessie."

66. Try on every pair of shoes in the shoe department. Take the paper from 
the boxes and throw it in various aisles.

67. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

68. If you’re female: Take some men’s clothes to the mens fitting room and 
ask to try them on. Act shocked and insist “But I AM a man” if the attendant 
says anything. If you’re a man, vice versa.

69. Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples carts when they 
aren’t looking.

70. Lurk in the cosmetics department and spray people with a bottle of 
strong perfume as they walk by. Lean in and sniff the, then wave your hand 
in front of your nose and saying "P-eeew! That perfume stinks!"

71. Plastic fake-vomit and fake-dog doo can be utilized effectively here.

72. Go outside to the payphones, call the store and ask them to page 
customer "Mike Hunt" (or "Harry Butz", etc.)

73. Stand in front of the Preparation H. Ask everyone who walks by which 
hemmorhoid remedy they prefer, then launch into a detailed description of 
your own problem.

74. While you're doing that, have white-out & markers handy. Modify the 
boxes of "Anusol" by covering up the "OL" on the logo.

75. Crawl around on the ground and pretend that your a cat. Meow when people 
walk by, rub up against their legs, etc.

76. Take a chair to Electronics, tune in all the TV’s to Young & the 
Restless, and watch while sobbing loudly.

77. Chase your friends up and down aisles with those electric cars. Make 
sure to tell your friends to act like they don't know you.

78. Ride the little rides for toddlers. Fit the character; if on a horse, 
act like a cowboy, etc. If a little kid comes over wanting to use it, start 
crying.

79. One word: STREAK!

80. Excesively use anything thing that says "Try Me".

81. Start pocketing any and all free samples.

82. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.

82. Walk up to the customer service and say "Hello, I'll have a Quarter 
Pounder with cheese, large fries and a diet coke." Then go to Mc Donald's 
and try to return a toaster.

83. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people asking where the 
rash cream and lice remedies are.

84. When alone, have loud conversations with your "multiple personalities".

85. Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and turn 
the volumes to "10".

86. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the store.

87. Act suspicious and stick your arm in your jacket when leaving store. As 
you’re walking through the doors act like you’re expecting the alarms to go 
off. Then quickly look around you to see who's watching and run away as fast 
as your can.

88. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger, your nose, your 
forehead, and the top of your head while singing the circus song.

89. Put jockstraps in the lingerie department.

90. Put lingerie in the men's department.

91. Put super sexy women’s lingerie in old men's carts when they turn 
around.

92. Stand in the sock aisle, and give each package a stern lecture.

93. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light and say "blink" each time 
it blinks. Don't look away, just stay mesmerized.

94. Put condoms in the mannequin's hands, and cigarettes in their 
mouths.(Safety warning: Leave cigarettes unlit.)

95. In the Garden Dept., skip through the flowers while holding your arms 
out and "buzzing".

96. With friends, stage a "sit-in" in all the bean-bag chairs in Furniture 
Dept.

97. Walk up to a guy and say "It's YOU!!! I haven't seen you in so long!!!!" 
and kiss him, then say "Why didn't you ever call me?" and walk away. Much 
more effective if you’re also a guy.

98. Stand next to a mannequin and pretend to be a mannequin too. Try to hold 
the same position for as long as possible.

99. Start singing oldies songs in the megaphone.

100. Ask everyone in "Electronics" "Do you know what CD this song is on? I 
don't know the name but it goes like this:". Then sing loudly, and don't 
stop until somebody throws you out.

101. Bark while trying on dog collars. Have a friend lead you around on a 
leash. Better yet, whinny while trying on horse tack and a friend holds the 
reins.

102. Take fishing rods & a fishing hat from Sporting Goods to the Pet 
Department. Pretend to fish in the goldfish tanks.

103. With friends, form a line that leads to nothing. Act like you're all 
excited about something. See how many people who walk by will come stand in 
it, too. (Note - This really works)

104. Steal a Walmart shirt, and the possibilities are endless.BONUS* Attempt 
all of the above during the same visit."

http://www.owensworld.com/pranks/read.php?id=4


Revolution is not a word but an application; it is not war but peace; it 
does not weaken, but strengthens. Revolution does not cause separation; it 
generates togetherness.
-John Africa, Strategic Revolution

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