[Vision2020] Cuff You

[Tom Hansen]

>From today's (April 27, 2005) The Skew (www.theskew.com).

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Cuff you.

Designated Flake State Florida Thinks It Hip to Cuff Tots, But Is it Really
Catching On?

Tampa/St. Pete- It's no secret that Florida has replaced California in
blemishing our fine nation's map as the land of the fruits and nuts. It all
began with the two words "hanging chad," and mercilessly continued on with
hurricane after hurricane, and totally delusional complete stranger after
totally delusional complete stranger freaking out over someone not having a
living will. But wait a minute! Don't forget poor little Elian Gonzales,
celebrating five years of better off red in his native homeland of Cuba. If
only Floridians had known then what they know now, they could have kept him
in Miami, and for good! After a five-year-old girl was handcuffed last week
in school for throwing a tantrum, we wondered if Skew readers thought this
might be an emerging trend?

 "After a lengthy outburst, I believe a 30-minute allocation of noogies may
be required at the very least. Or if I don't have the physical energy, maybe
I'll download a digital picture of myself and email it to him to show him
firsthand the emotional shackles on my face that emerge every time he tunes
into 'Timon and Pumbaa: The Early Years.'" 
 
"I'm horrified that you should even ask such a question. Everybody knows
that children should be beaten regularly, like gongs, not handcuffed like
common criminals. They aren't common criminals until they and their
high-spirited friends rob their own parents' houses to buy Ecstasy."

"Ripping papers off the wall, climbing tables, and erupting in fits of
violence isn't all that uncommon. If you haven't had a French manicure, you
can still put your hands up to your face to block the punches. At least
until Dad gets home."
 
"Well, I'd have to say yes, they should be handcuffed. As a matter of fact,
I have one cuffed to a radiator right now."

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Take care, Moscow.

Tom Hansen
Moscow, Idaho

For every purpose there is a season . . . 

"Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will
stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving
path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so
far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb."

-Sir Winston Churchill