[Vision2020] (Correction) Uncle Sam Forced to Come Out

[Tom Hansen]

Washington, DC - Last week, the Republican Party finally admitted to sending
mass mailings to God fearing Arkansans and West Virginians predicting
horrors if the Democrats were elected prompting an extreme reaction from one
of America's most famous citizens, Uncle Sam. The party owned up to
composing a letter that demonized homosexuals, assuring that they were in
fact, actual live demons. They also claimed that the Democrats would ban the
Bible, and just in case the letter recipients couldn't read, the campaign
literature featured a picture of John Kerry followed by the = sign, and a
picture of the bible with the big red circle and the slash. Bush campaign
manager Ken Mellman, who doesn't even make as much sense as Larry Bud
Mellman, is believed to have stated something lame like, "the gay people
brought this on themselves by demanding equality." This was just too much
for Uncle Sam, a former Republican, even though he should be bi-partisan but
instead was just bi. Long rumored to be gay due to his being such a snappy
dresser, and just to leave no room for doubt, Sam wore sequins to a John
Kerry rally and condemned the GOP dirty tricks before a cheering crowd. Even
if they don't get their way in stripping civil rights from gays, the
Republicans can still fall back on the not banning the Bible campaign angle
and plan to send the good book to every voter. But they were disappointed to
find Cheney nixed the complimentary copy of 1984 they had planned to send
along with it.

 

 

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