[Vision2020] The Church of Auntie Establishment School of Liturgical Dance

[Joan Opyr]

Dear Visionaries,

At the Church of Auntie Establishment, we support all forms of creative movement, from the Mashed Potato to the Tarantella, but when it comes to Liturgical Dance, we are surprisingly rigid in our beliefs.  There is one dance, and one dance only, that is acceptable to us.  What is that dance?  Really, need you ask?

You put your right foot in,
You put your right foot out.
You put your right foot in,
And you shake it all about.

You do the hokey pokey,
And you turn yourself around.
That's what it's all about.

I'm sorry, but our lawyer, Jailhouse Ben, insists that you sign a waiver before we allow you to either hokey or pokey.  This is not for your protection; it's for ours.  How do we know you don't have a pre-existing condition caused by your former membership in The Cult of Tequila Shot Twister?  It is also our understanding that polka-related injuries among North Dakota Catholics are legion.  [If you don't believe me, try watching The Big Joe Polka Show on RFDTV.  Those old women in the crinolines are a menace.]     
In the quite likely event that you put your left foot in instead of your right, or that your arthritis, your excess of enthusiasm, or your over-consumption of the Coeur d'Alene Brewing Company communion ale leads you to "shake it all about" until you break it, your hopeless case will be submitted to the arbitration of The Church of Auntie Establishment elders Saundra Lund, the Bishop of Moscow, and Carl Westberg, the Bishop of Golf.  At best, this means you'll get a Band-aid and a kiss on your boo-boo (but only if said boo-boo is not in a hairy, gross, or airless place.)   

At worst, it means that we'll turn our backs and pretend like we don't know you.    

Hokey.  Pokey.  Okey.  Dokey.

Pope Auntie Establishment
Speaking ex cathedra since 2004Get more from the Web.  FREE MSN Explorer download : http://explorer.msn.com
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