[Vision2020] Map of US

[Ron Force]

Andy Borowitz is well ahead of the news:

CANADA REPORTS HUGE JUMP IN IMMIGRATION
Over 55,000,000 Requests for Citizenship Since Tuesday Night

Canadian immigration officials have reported a huge increase in the number
of requests for Canadian citizenship in the past twenty-four hours, with
over fifty-five million such inquiries pouring in since late Tuesday night.

Of those fifty-five million requests, well over 99.99% of them came from
U.S. citizens, the lion's share residing in such states as New York,
California, Massachusetts, Oregon, Washington, Pennsylvania, New Jersey,
Vermont, Maine, Rhode Island, Connecticut, Delaware, Maryland, and the
District of Columbia.

Canadian Foreign Affairs Minister Pierre Pettigrew said that he was
"flabbergasted" by the fifty-five-million-plus requests for Canadian
citizenship, adding that it was difficult to pinpoint the precise reasons
for the staggering increase.

"My only theory is that after many years of exposure in the U.S., hockey is
finally starting to catch on," Mr. Pettigrew said.

He cautioned, however, that it is impossible to know exactly what is
sparking the sudden interest in America's frozen neighbor to the north:
"People answering our immigration hotline say that it is hard to understand
many of the American callers because they are sobbing uncontrollably."

In other news, President Bush used his acceptance speech Wednesday to reach
out to supporters of Sen. John Kerry, telling them, "You can run, but you
can't hide."

Meanwhile, in his first statement since being voted out of office Tuesday
night, Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle said, "Do you want fries with
that?"

Elsewhere, experts said that exit polls may have falsely predicted a Kerry
victory because Kerry voters exited while Bush voters stayed behind and
voted again.
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