[Vision2020] An Awful, Awful Misunderstanding: A clarification from Jane Marple

Fri, 23 Jan 2004 09:24:35 -0800

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My dearest Edna,

=20

I have just returned from the local chemist after having been so shocked =
that I had to have a calming palliative.  The reason?  Sir Henry =
Clithering showed me a letter from you.  In it you accuse me of =
insinuating in a letter to my dear niece Joan that you are a prostitute.

=20

My, for a spinster, you have an incredibly filthy mind!  Even Dr. Freud =
would be amazed at your egregious misinterpretation.  My non-too-bright =
maid Gladys was so upset by your letter that she had a bilious attack =
and my cottage had to be temporarily evacuated.  You must be horribly =
repressed!

=20

Perhaps, your misinterpretation was due to your receiving a debauched =
copy of the letter to Joan.  Just so that you can see for yourself, I =
attach below a true copy of the original letter.

=20

Edna, Please:

=20

1.                 Read the original letter very carefully;

2.                 Keep your mind out of the gutter while you are doing =
so; and

3.                 Take careful note of and analyze all the sub-texts =
occurring in the letter including the inclusion of the last sentence of =
Richard Bratigan's soul cleansing book Trout Fishing in America; =
especially note the original context of Bratigan's sentence in this =
great work.

=20

After you have done the above you will see that my original letter =
clearly, unequivocally, and commendingly describes you not as a =
prostitute, but as a personal spiritual trainer attempting to deal with =
some spiritually inept clients!

=20

I hope this clears up any misunderstanding.

=20

=20

Bewildered and bitterly disappointed,

=20

Jane Marple

=20

=20

PS  Dearest Edna, if after doing the above, you are still so discommoded =
that you still fail to understand the true meaning my letter to Joan, =
then I have a heartfelt suggestion for you:  Take the waters and the =
cure at the Seminary of the Polyhedral God in Meander River, Alberta, =
Canada.  They have been known to produce miracles.

=20

=20

Attachment:

=20

My dearest niece Joan,

=20

Since I have known you since birth and know that you are a bright and =
able person, it pains me to have to disagree with about mystery woman =
Edna Wilmington.

=20

I got the straight story when I was at the green grocer yesterday.  Mr. =
Dillweed who has been the grocer for more years than I care to remember =
and who is a most reliable man (oxymoron?) pulled me aside and told me =
the shocking truth!

=20

It seems that Edna works for Happy Saggers, who as you know, is the =
owner and principal in that business that provides very personal =
services.

=20

Happy Saggers says that Edna works for her and is a most prolific income =
producer.

=20

Edna apparently only services the master and his immediate minions of =
that strange cult.

=20

However, Edna grows restless.

=20

Despite the steady stream of generous business, Edna finds the work =
tedious.  Edna claims that her clients are extremely clumsy, quick, and =
inept.  Further, she says that although their egos are extra, extra =
large, their tools are wee.

=20

Edna is seriously considering returning to her former place of business =
on Sprague Avenue in Spokane, Washington, USA.  She says that although =
the clientele there might be a little seedier than her present =
clientele, they at least will provide her some non-monetary =
satisfaction.

=20

That's the story.

=20

I hope everything is fine with you and your loved ones.

=20

Love,

=20

Jane Marple

=20

PS.  Please do not forget the mayonnaise.

____________________________

End of Attachment.

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My dearest Edna,
<?xml:namespace =
prefix =3D o ns =3D=20
"urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p>&nbsp;</o:p>
<FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>I have just returned from the local =
chemist after=20
having been so shocked that I had to have a calming palliative.<SPAN=20
style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">&nbsp; The reason?<SPAN=20
style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">&nbsp; Sir Henry Clithering showed me =
a letter=20
from you.&nbsp; In it you =
accuse me of=20
insinuating in a letter to my dear niece Joan that you are a=20
prostitute.
<o:p><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>&nbsp;</o:p>
<FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>My, for a spinster, you have an =
incredibly filthy=20
mind!&nbsp; Even Dr. Freud =
would be=20
amazed at your egregious misinterpretation.<SPAN=20
style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">&nbsp; My non-too-bright maid Gladys =
was so=20
upset by your letter that she had a bilious attack and my cottage had to =
be=20
temporarily evacuated.&nbsp; =
You must be=20
horribly repressed!
<o:p><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>&nbsp;</o:p>
<FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>Perhaps, your misinterpretation was =
due to your=20
receiving a debauched copy of the letter to Joan.<SPAN=20
style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">&nbsp; Just so that you can see for =
yourself, I=20
attach below a true copy of the original letter.
<o:p><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>&nbsp;</o:p>
<FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>Edna, <I=20
style=3D"mso-bidi-font-style: normal">Please:
<o:p><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>&nbsp;</o:p>
<FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman">1.<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT: 7pt 'Times New =
Roman'">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp=
;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;=20
Read the original letter very carefully;
<FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman">2.<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT: 7pt 'Times New =
Roman'">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp=
;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;=20
Keep your mind out of the gutter while you are doing so;=20
and
<FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman">3.<SPAN=20
style=3D"FONT: 7pt 'Times New =
Roman'">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp=
;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;=20
Take careful note of and analyze all the sub-texts =
occurring in=20
the letter including the inclusion of the last sentence of Richard =
Bratigan=92s=20
soul cleansing book Trout =
Fishing in=20
America; especially note the original context of Bratigan=92s =
sentence in this=20
great work.
<o:p><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>&nbsp;</o:p>
<FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman">After you have done the above =
you will see=20
that my original letter clearly, unequivocally, and commendingly =
describes you=20
not as a prostitute, but as a personal=20
spiritual trainer attempting to deal with some spiritually inept=20
clients!<o:p></o:p>
<o:p><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>&nbsp;</o:p>
<FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>I hope this clears up any=20
misunderstanding.
<o:p><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>&nbsp;</o:p>
<o:p><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>&nbsp;</o:p>
<FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>Bewildered and bitterly =
disappointed,
<o:p><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>&nbsp;</o:p>
<FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>Jane Marple
<o:p><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>&nbsp;</o:p>
<o:p><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>&nbsp;</o:p>
<FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>PS&nbsp;=20
Dearest Edna, if after doing the above, you are still so =
discommoded that=20
you still fail to understand the true meaning my letter to Joan, then I =
have a=20
heartfelt suggestion for you:&nbsp; =
Take=20
the waters and the cure at the Seminary of the Polyhedral God in Meander =
River,=20
Alberta, Canada.&nbsp; They =
have been=20
known to produce =
miracles.
<o:p><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>&nbsp;</o:p>
<DIV=20
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face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>&nbsp;</o:p></DIV>
<FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>Attachment:
<o:p><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>&nbsp;</o:p>
<FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>My dearest niece Joan,
<o:p><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>&nbsp;</o:p>
<FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>Since I have known you since birth and =
know that=20
you are a bright and able person, it pains me to have to disagree with =
about=20
mystery woman Edna Wilmington.
<o:p><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>&nbsp;</o:p>
<FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>I got the straight story when I was at =
the green=20
grocer yesterday.&nbsp; Mr. =
Dillweed who=20
has been the grocer for more years than I care to remember and who is a =
most=20
reliable man (oxymoron?) pulled me aside and told me the shocking=20
truth!
<o:p><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>&nbsp;</o:p>
<FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>It seems that Edna works for Happy =
Saggers, who as=20
you know, is the owner and principal in that business that provides very =

personal services.</FONT></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN: 0in 2.5in 0pt 0in"><o:p><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>&nbsp;</FONT></o:p></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN: 0in 2.5in 0pt 0in"><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>Happy Saggers says that Edna works for =
her and is=20
a most prolific income producer.</FONT></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN: 0in 2.5in 0pt 0in"><o:p><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>&nbsp;</FONT></o:p></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN: 0in 2.5in 0pt 0in"><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>Edna apparently only services the =
master and his=20
immediate minions of that strange cult.</FONT></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN: 0in 2.5in 0pt 0in"><o:p><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>&nbsp;</FONT></o:p></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN: 0in 2.5in 0pt 0in"><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>However, Edna grows =
restless.</FONT></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN: 0in 2.5in 0pt 0in"><o:p><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>&nbsp;</FONT></o:p></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN: 0in 2.5in 0pt 0in"><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>Despite the steady stream of generous =
business,=20
Edna finds the work tedious.<SPAN style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">&nbsp; =
</SPAN>Edna=20
claims that her clients are extremely clumsy, quick, and inept.<SPAN=20
style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">&nbsp; </SPAN>Further, she says that =
although their=20
egos are extra, extra large, their tools are wee.</FONT></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN: 0in 2.5in 0pt 0in"><o:p><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>&nbsp;</FONT></o:p></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN: 0in 2.5in 0pt 0in"><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>Edna is seriously considering =
returning to her=20
former place of business on Sprague Avenue in Spokane, Washington, =
USA.<SPAN=20
style=3D"mso-spacerun: yes">&nbsp; </SPAN>She says that although the =
clientele=20
there might be a little seedier than her present clientele, they at =
least will=20
provide her some non-monetary satisfaction.</FONT></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN: 0in 2.5in 0pt 0in"><o:p><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>&nbsp;</FONT></o:p></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN: 0in 2.5in 0pt 0in"><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>That's the story.</FONT></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN: 0in 2.5in 0pt 0in"><o:p><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>&nbsp;</FONT></o:p></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN: 0in 2.5in 0pt 0in"><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>I hope everything is fine with you and =
your loved=20
ones.</FONT></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN: 0in 2.5in 0pt 0in"><o:p><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>&nbsp;</FONT></o:p></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN: 0in 2.5in 0pt 0in"><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>Love,</FONT></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN: 0in 2.5in 0pt 0in"><o:p><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>&nbsp;</FONT></o:p></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN: 0in 2.5in 0pt 0in"><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>Jane Marple</FONT></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN: 0in 2.5in 0pt 0in"><o:p><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>&nbsp;</FONT></o:p></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN: 0in 2.5in 0pt 0in"><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>PS.<SPAN style=3D"mso-spacerun: =
yes">&nbsp;=20
</SPAN>Please do not forget the mayonnaise.</FONT></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN: 0in 2.5in 0pt 0in"><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" =
size=3D3>____________________________</FONT></P>
<P class=3DMsoNormal style=3D"MARGIN: 0in 2.5in 0pt 0in"><FONT=20
face=3D"Times New Roman" size=3D3>End of=20
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