[Vision2020] Irony Alert: the following is parodic in nature. [As is this response]

[Art Deco]

My dearest niece Joan,

Since I have known you since birth and know that you are a bright and able
person, it pains me to have to disagree with about mystery woman Edna
Wilmington.

I got the straight story when I was at the green grocer yesterday.  Mr.
Dillweed who has been the grocer for more years than I care to remember and
who is a most reliable man (oxymoron?) pulled me aside and told me the
shocking truth!

It seems that Edna works for Happy Saggers, who as you know, is the owner
and principal in that business that provides very personal services.

Happy Saggers says that Edna works for her and is a most prolific income
producer.

Edna apparently only services the master and his immediate minions of that
strange cult.

However, Edna grows restless.

Despite the steady stream of  generous business, Edna finds the work
tedious.  Edna claims that her clients are extremely clumsy, quick, and
inept.  Further, she says that although their egos are extra, extra large,
their tools are wee.

Edna is seriously considering returning to her former place of business on
Sprague Avenue in Spokane, Washington, USA.  She says that although the
clientele there might be a little seedier than her present clientele, they
at least will provide her some non-monetary satisfaction.

That's the story.

I hope everything is fine with you and your loved ones.

Love,

Jane Marple

PS.  Please do not forget the mayonnaise.


----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Joan Opyr" <auntiestablishment@hotmail.com>
To: <vision2020@moscow.com>
Sent: Tuesday, January 20, 2004 3:47 PM
Subject: [Vision2020] Irony Alert: the following is parodic in nature.


> Dear Visionaries:
>
> I'm sorry to interrupt this speculation, but Elvis came to me in a dream
and
> told me that we can't go on together with suspicious minds.  I am
absolutely
> certain that Edna Wilmington exists and that she's the intolerant,
> theocratic old woman she so convincingly claims to be.  Her friends, Betty
> Boise and Peggy Seattle, have assured me that Edna's been marching against
> equality, fairness, and middle-class tax relief since at least 1865.  Her
> husband, Dolittle Wilmington, emailed me a photograph of the family's home
> library, and not only is it packed with the inspiring works of Thomas L.
> Dixon, R. L. Dabney, and Andrew Dice Clay, it also features a 1.6 gallons
> per flush low-flow toilet.  Can you get more real than that?
>
> Alas, Edna's politics have been rotten since infancy.  Her mother,
Virginia
> T. Roanoke, kicked Rosa Parks out of her bus seat.  Her father, Lester
> Maddox Lester, supplied whites-only lunch counter patrons with pimento
> cheese.  When Martin Luther King said, "I have a dream," Edna was there
> yelling, "Oh yeah?  Well I don't!"  When Marian Anderson sang at the
Lincoln
> Memorial, Edna blasted Axel Rose on her boom box.  Just like sasquatch,
the
> Loch Ness monster, and compassionate conservatism, Edna is real.  She's
> hogging up your bandwidth.  She's messing with your head.  She's jumping
in
> front of you in line at the Wal-Mart.
>
> Look, I don't want to scare you, but I'd better let you know what else
Elvis
> said.  With his lip trembling, a tick in his eye, and a strangely
dislocated
> motion of his hip, the King told me, "Listen, Auntie, you'd better not
pout.
>   You'd better not cry.  You'd better watch out.  Why?  I'm telling you
why.
>   Edna Wilmington is coming to town."
>
> If she sees me when I'm sleeping, I am going to be all shook up,
>
> Joan Opyr/Auntie Establishment
>
> PS: Okay, I admit it.  I've never met Edna . . . but I did hear a rumor
that
> she's offered to pay half a million dollars for the Heartbreak Hotel.  You
> know, the one down at the end of Lonely Street?
>
> _________________________________________________________________
> High-speed users—be more efficient online with the new MSN Premium
Internet
> Software. http://join.msn.com/?pgmarket=en-us&page=byoa/prem&ST=1
>
> _____________________________________________________
>  List services made available by First Step Internet,
>  serving the communities of the Palouse since 1994.
>                http://www.fsr.net
>           mailto:Vision2020@moscow.com
> ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ
>