[Vision2020] Irony Alert: the following is parodic in nature.

[Joan Opyr]

Dear Visionaries:

I'm sorry to interrupt this speculation, but Elvis came to me in a dream and 
told me that we can't go on together with suspicious minds.  I am absolutely 
certain that Edna Wilmington exists and that she's the intolerant, 
theocratic old woman she so convincingly claims to be.  Her friends, Betty 
Boise and Peggy Seattle, have assured me that Edna's been marching against 
equality, fairness, and middle-class tax relief since at least 1865.  Her 
husband, Dolittle Wilmington, emailed me a photograph of the family's home 
library, and not only is it packed with the inspiring works of Thomas L. 
Dixon, R. L. Dabney, and Andrew Dice Clay, it also features a 1.6 gallons 
per flush low-flow toilet.  Can you get more real than that?

Alas, Edna's politics have been rotten since infancy.  Her mother, Virginia 
T. Roanoke, kicked Rosa Parks out of her bus seat.  Her father, Lester 
Maddox Lester, supplied whites-only lunch counter patrons with pimento 
cheese.  When Martin Luther King said, "I have a dream," Edna was there 
yelling, "Oh yeah?  Well I don't!"  When Marian Anderson sang at the Lincoln 
Memorial, Edna blasted Axel Rose on her boom box.  Just like sasquatch, the 
Loch Ness monster, and compassionate conservatism, Edna is real.  She's 
hogging up your bandwidth.  She's messing with your head.  She's jumping in 
front of you in line at the Wal-Mart.

Look, I don't want to scare you, but I'd better let you know what else Elvis 
said.  With his lip trembling, a tick in his eye, and a strangely dislocated 
motion of his hip, the King told me, "Listen, Auntie, you'd better not pout. 
  You'd better not cry.  You'd better watch out.  Why?  I'm telling you why. 
  Edna Wilmington is coming to town."

If she sees me when I'm sleeping, I am going to be all shook up,

Joan Opyr/Auntie Establishment

PS: Okay, I admit it.  I've never met Edna . . . but I did hear a rumor that 
she's offered to pay half a million dollars for the Heartbreak Hotel.  You 
know, the one down at the end of Lonely Street?

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