[Vision2020] A bit of a laugh, Onion-style

[Joan Opyr]

In the midst of my writing frenzy yesterday, I wrote the following "news" 
story with the idea of submitting it to The Onion <www.theonion.com>.  Alas, 
I've discovered that The Onion is not currently accepting freelance 
submissions.  Since I must do something with it -- it took me a whole twenty 
minutes to rewrite the original AP Wire story -- I'm passing it on to you 
Visionaries.

It's just a parody, folks.  Don't blow a gasket.

Joan Opyr/Auntie Establishment

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Bush unhappy about Iranian election results; proposes sending brother Jeb to 
supervise recount.

Feb. 24, 2004, Washington, DC – Declaring that he was "very disappointed" in 
the outcome of Iran's elections, which put Islamic hard-liners in control of 
the Iranian parliament, President Bush today asked the U. S. Supreme Court 
to nullify Iran's election results and proposed sending presidential 
brother, Florida Governor Jeb Bush, to Tehran to supervise a recount..

In a prepared statement, written if not read by someone literate, Mr. Bush 
said, "I join with the Irankis and other peoples around the world in 
condemning the regime's efforts to stifle freedom of speech."  Speaking to 
an aide, Mr. Bush was heard to add, sotto voce, "Still, kinda wish I'd 
thought of that.  Note to Johnny Ashcroft – what can we do about shutting 
folks up?"

In Iran, non-elected Muslim clerics, like shadowy neo-cons in the Bush 
Administration, have the final say in almost all affairs of state.  
Nevertheless, the President criticized the ruling Islamic establishment's 
decision to ban more than 2,400 candidates from running in the elections and 
condemned the closing of two of Iran's leading reformist newspapers.

"Such measures undermine the rule of law and are clear attempts to deny the 
Iranasian people's desire to freely choose their leaders," Mr. Bush said.  
"This sort of work is better left to your brother and other highly placed 
folks who owe your dad a favor."

When questioned by members of the White House press corps about the limited 
jurisdiction of the United States Supreme Court over foreign elections, Mr. 
Bush replied, "Apparently you've never been to the great state of Texas.  
Like our travel brochures say, it's a whole other country.  Now, hush up, 
Helen Thomas.  I'm about tired of you."

Although Iranian Interior Ministry figures showed Islamic hard-liners 
winning a sizable majority, Mr. Bush expressed confidence in his brother's 
ability to recount the votes and come up with a different result.

"I'm not worried about it," Mr. Bush said.  "One way or another, Jeb will 
find enough hanging chads to fix this thing right up.  When it comes to 
guaranteed election results, my brother is the original go-to guy."

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