[Vision2020] Affidavit Regarding The Night Before Christmas

[Tim Lohrmann]

All,
   This one has "made the rounds" many times, but still....
    Best,
     TL
 

AFFIDAVIT REGARDING THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS:
Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a 
certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general 
lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a 
mouse.

A variety of foot apparel, e.g., stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by 
and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. 
Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would 
arrive at sometime thereafter. The minor residents, i.e. the children, of 
the aforementioned House were located in their individual beds and were 
engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein vision of 
confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or 
sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.

Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as 
("I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the party of 
the second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a 
sustained period of sleep. At such time, the parties were clad in various 
forms of headgear, e.g., kerchief and cap.

Suddenly, and without prior notice, service, hearing or warning, there did 
occur upon the unimproved real property adjacent and appurtenant to said 
House, i.e., the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or 
circumstance. The party of the first part did immediately rush to a window 
in the House to investigate the cause of such disturbance, breach of the 
peace and trespass.

At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of 
wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter "the Vehicle") 
being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately 
eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact 
was, the previously referenced Claus and a transient in the neigborhood as 
he appeared only once ever year at the same time as if premeditated.

Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to 
the approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the animal 
co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, 
Donner and Blitzen (hereinafter "the Deer"). (Upon information and belief, 
it is further asserted that an additional co- conspirator named "Rudolph" 
may have been involved, and obviously alcoholic with a red nose.)

The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer 
intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences 
located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the 
Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either 
express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered 
said House via the chimney, causing no substantive damage.

Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with 
residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion 
of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other concealed unknown items obviously not having been passed by any x-ray or metal detectors, prior to 
flight in utter disregard and in reckless defiance of FAA security 
directives.

He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant 
violation of local ordinances and health regulations for enclosed areas 
occupied by minor dependent Children.

Claus did not utter any excuse for such trespass and breach of privacy, but immediately began to fill the stocking of the minor children, which hung 
adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts. (Said items did 
not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to the applicable 
provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.)

Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or presumably served as "lookouts." 
Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination, from the evidence thus observed probably to attempt to trespass upon all sovereign private 
property.

However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said 
House, the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: 
"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Or words to that effect 
furthering his reckless disregard for the peace, and as if it would surfice 
for clearance to enter controlled airspace without transponder or two way 
VHF communications with ATC.

May this Christmas Season find you Merry and Happy and may you have a 
Prosperous New Year




		
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