[Vision2020] yet another "gay agenda" post

[Rob Keenan]

Frankly, I'd like to see a copy of this "gay agenda," because while the
religious right seem to enjoy making all sorts of references to it, I have
yet to see anything actually set down in stone. I guess I didn't get my
copy -- must be in the same room they store all the toasters.

Although I think we do have sort of an unofficial gay agenda, and it might
run something like this:

Birth - age 2: Enjoy the sort of gender ambiguity only infants and toddlers
can get away with now. Soft cuddle blankies, stuffed toys, bright colors --
never again will you have this freedom.
Age 2 - age 5: Start to "drop hints" by refusing to play with guns, knives
and other "boy toys." Become a sweet and precocious child interested in
using your imagination, not in wanting to kill everything on the planet.
Age 5 - age 7: Start to realize that you're different from other children.
Learn how to keep your mouth shut.
Age 8 - age 18: Avoid getting your ass kicked by your peers by shoving all
your hopes, dreams, fears and feelings way down deep inside so nobody
suspects a thing. Tell fag jokes. Pretend you don't read "People" and
"Entertainment Weekly."
Age 18 - age 20: Come out. In a big way. Wear lipstick and nail polish and
dye your hair. Experiment with lisps and floppy wrists. March in a pride
parade. Openly declare allegiance to Liza Minnelli, Madonna and Judy
Garland.
Age 20 - age 22: Tone things down a bit. Admit you only bought the Judy
Garland records because you thought you were supposed to. Throw out the
foundation.
Age 22 - age 30: Be generally fabulous.
Age 30 - age 40: Meet and fall in love with the guy of your dreams. Plan to
live happily ever after.
Age 40 - death: Live happily ever after.