[Vision2020] FWD: CNN_EXP: Breaking News
Donovan Arnold
donovanarnold@hotmail.com
Sun, 18 May 2003 02:47:30 -0700
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<DIV> At approximately 12:05 PM EST 9: 05 PM PST on May 17, 2003 President Bush called a special News Conference. The United States will be "declaring war against Evil" Bush announced. Bush continued that "The Devil and his evildoers have been violating UN Sanctions by occupying every country on earth and spreading terror to billions of people all across the planet". Bush has given the Devil 48 hours to "get the hell out of Hell!". He concluded by saying that anyone that is "against removing the Devil from power is against God." </DIV>
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<DIV>Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld told reporters following Bush's announcement that Hell has been harboring terrorists for years and continues to advise and enable them to commit evil and terrorist acts against innocent people. Rumsfeld continued by saying that weapons of mass destruction are located in several places around Hell. "We have strong evidence that the Devil has been harboring weapons of mass destruction and has every intention of using them."</DIV>
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<DIV>Pentagon Spokesperson Adam Maxwell stated that the Pentagon is preparing a full out bombing campaign on Hades, the capital of Hell. Maxwell also stated that with the new technology of "Laser-guided-Tomahawk Morality Cruise Missiles and Bombs they will not kill one innocent life in Hell."</DIV>
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<DIV>President Bush was asked what the war was about and "how can you stop the Devil?" Bush responded that for many millennium the Devil has run Hell as a tyrant and tortures and injures the people in Hell, "This war is a war of Liberation. . . it is time to end the evil rule of the Devil and allow the people of Hell to run their own government. It will be a new Hell and a Hell of the people, by the people, and for the people of Hell. All Hellions will be liberated and if the Devil doesn't like he just sit on a tack."</DIV>
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<DIV>While Prime Minister Tony Blair of Britain is fully supportive of Bush and the Australians have agreed to fight as well provided they are given free beer, Prime Minister Chirac of France is firmly against the prospect of military action against Hell and the Devil. " The removal of the Devil will eliminate choice and thus be removing the 'Freedom to Choose'." The French are pushing for continued UN sanctions against the Devil and his Regime. </DIV>
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<DIV>Former House Minority Leader Richard Gephardt (D-MI) is also against the proposed action. "If you wipe out the Devil someone else will just come along and take his place... good people don't stay in Hell."</DIV>
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<DIV>US Sen.. Rick Santorum (R-PA) also commented on the Bush announcement . "I feel that the Devil has been involved in homosexual activities and this immoral creature must be removed to restore morality."</DIV>
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<DIV>While UN Secretary General Kofi Annan stated that he is opposed to US military action against Hell he also stated that after the war he believes that the UN should take a major role in the distribution of the eight trillion billion gallons of water a day that will be needed to "quench the ever lasting thirst" of Hellions and to put out the fires that have been burning since the beginning of time. </DIV>
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<DIV>The new spokesperson for Hell, former Iraqi Information Minister Al-Sahaf (Baghdad Bob), has stated Hell's outrage against the United States and the Allies for lying about the conditions of Hell and that they don't even have "one living witness as to the conditions of Hell" he went on to say that "all of the 6 billion souls in Hell chose to go there." He continued "Any solider that puts one toe in Hell will burn with fire in their bellies, and head, and arms, and legs, and every other part of their body." </DIV>
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<DIV>US House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) has stated that the Bush Administration is simply marching on this morality crusade because of the unlimited supply of oil available in Hell used to fuel the eternal flames. Despite a $100 trillion pre-war contract giving Vice-President Dick Cheney's former employer Halliburton for post war reconstruction of Hell, the White House denies such allegations stating that they have nothing to do with the contract negotiations.</DIV>
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<DIV>Republican Leadership has attack Rep. Pelosi as being anti-patriotic and that the time for debate as ended and she and the Democratic Party needs to support our troops going to Hell.</DIV>
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<DIV>The Big >:^D</DIV>
<DIV>Donovan J. Arnold</DIV>
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