[Vision2020] Ten reasons to invade Canada
Joan Opyr
auntiestablishment@hotmail.com
Fri, 14 Mar 2003 13:22:50 -0800
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Ten Reasons for Invading Canada:
1. Shania Twain. This Toronto native's latest hit is brazenly entitled "=
I'm Gonna Getcha Good!" I've heard the song. I've seen the video. It's=
clearly a threat. =20
2. The Red Green Show. Long before Tom Ridge came along, Mr. Green refer=
red to duct tape as "the handy man's secret weapon." We must freeze the =
assets of Possum Lodge.
3. Wayne Gretzky. He's known worldwide as "The Great One." This is in m=
arked contrast to our own international sobriquet, The Great Satan. Also=
, why is it that in poll after poll he has continued to be named Canada's=
most popular citizen despite the fact that he hasn't lived there since h=
e was traded from Edmonton to Los Angeles fifteen years ago? Retired or =
not, he's clearly a sleeper. (NB: When I was a kid, we used to repair ou=
r hockey sticks with duct tape. I think this is significant. See item #=
2.)
4. Leonard Cohen. His compositions are clearly meant to depress and demo=
ralize the average American listener. Ditto Joni Mitchell.
5. Victoria, BC. Okay, there's nothing wrong with Victoria. I just thin=
k the Butchart Gardens are nicer than Camp David. =20
6. Jim Carrey. For crimes against comedy.
7. Jim Carrey. For crimes against acting.
8. Jim Carrey. For reminding us of Andy Kaufman.
9. Jim Carrey. For reminding us of Jerry Lewis.
10. Jim Carrey. For crimes against comedy and acting and for reminding u=
s of Andy Kaufman and Jerry Lewis.
--Joan Opyr, AKA Auntie Establishment Get more from the Web. FREE MS=
N Explorer download : http://explorer.msn.com
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<HTML><BODY STYLE=3D"font:10pt verdana; border:none;"><DIV>Ten Reasons fo=
r Invading Canada:</DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>1. Shania Twain. Th=
is Toronto native's latest hit is brazenly entitled "I'm Gonna Getcha Goo=
d!" I've heard the song. I've seen the video. It's clea=
rly a threat. </DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>2. The Red Green Show.&n=
bsp; Long before Tom Ridge came along, Mr. Green referred to du=
ct tape as "the handy man's secret weapon." We must freeze the=
assets of Possum Lodge.</DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>3. Wayne Gretz=
ky. He's known worldwide as "The Great One." T=
his is in marked contrast to our own international sobriquet, T=
he Great Satan. Also, why is it that in poll after poll he has cont=
inued to be named Canada's most popular citizen despite the fact tha=
t he hasn't lived there since he was traded from Edmonton to Lo=
s Angeles fifteen years ago? Retired or not, he's clearly=
a sleeper. (NB: When I was a kid, we used to repair our hocke=
y sticks with duct tape. I think this is significant. See ite=
m #2.)</DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>4. Leonard Cohen. His compositi=
ons are clearly meant to depress and demoralize the average American list=
ener. Ditto Joni Mitchell.</DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>5. Victoria=
, BC. Okay, there's nothing wrong with Victoria. I just think=
the Butchart Gardens are nicer than Camp David. </DIV> <DIV> <=
/DIV> <DIV>6. Jim Carrey. For crimes against comedy.</DIV> <DIV>&nb=
sp;</DIV> <DIV>7. Jim Carrey. For crimes against acting.</DIV> <DIV=
> </DIV> <DIV>8. Jim Carrey. For reminding us of And=
y Kaufman.</DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>9. Jim Carrey. For remindin=
g us of Jerry Lewis.</DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>10. Jim Carrey.&nb=
sp; For crimes against comedy and acting and for reminding us of And=
y Kaufman and Jerry Lewis.</DIV> <DIV> </DIV> <DIV>--Joan Opyr, AKA =
Auntie Establishment <BR></DIV></BODY></HTML=
><br clear=3Dall><hr>Get more from the Web. FREE MSN Explorer download :=
<a href=3D'http://explorer.msn.com'>http://explorer.msn.com</a><br></p>
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