<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto"><div><b style="font-family: inherit; caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: rgb(5, 5, 5); font-size: 14px; white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">An American Trump</b></div><div><div class="xdj266r x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs x126k92a" style="white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: rgb(5, 5, 5); font-size: 14px;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">by Michael Ian Black and Marc Rosenthal</div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: rgb(5, 5, 5); font-size: 14px;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Dear reader, I know that you might be confused</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">After spotting this creature that's been in the news.</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">What <span style="font-family: inherit;"><a tabindex="-1" style="color: rgb(56, 88, 152); cursor: pointer; font-family: inherit;"></a></span>is this strange beast you keep hearing about?</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Together, I think we can figure it out . . .</div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: rgb(5, 5, 5); font-size: 14px;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">The beasty is called an American Trump.</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">It's skin is bright orange, it's figure is plump;</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Its fur so complex, you might get enveloped.</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Its hands are, sadly, underdeveloped.</div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: rgb(5, 5, 5); font-size: 14px;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Now, where does it live? On flat-screen TVs!</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">It rushes toward every camera it sees.</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">It thrives in the most contentious conditions</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">And excretes the most appalling emissions.</div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: rgb(5, 5, 5); font-size: 14px;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Its diet is cash, its friends all go-getters.</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Its poop spells out "Trump" in ten-foot high letters.</div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: rgb(5, 5, 5); font-size: 14px;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Trump this and Trump that, and Trump buildings and steaks</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Trump airplanes and clothing and several Trump mates.</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Trump crap everywhere in a Trumpy Trump land.</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">But don't call it crap. The Trump calls it a brand.</div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: rgb(5, 5, 5); font-size: 14px;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Yes it can speak! Are you impressed?</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">You should be, because, a Trump's really the best.</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">It says so if asked, and even if not.</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">"I'm the best!" it declares in terms overwrought.</div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: rgb(5, 5, 5); font-size: 14px;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">"I have all the best words and all the best things!</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">My water is bottled from all the best springs!</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">My wine is the best, and so is my brain.</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">You wanna know why? Too bad! I'll explain."</div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: rgb(5, 5, 5); font-size: 14px;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">(Here's where a Trump will go on at some length</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">On the size of its manhood and physical strength.)</div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: rgb(5, 5, 5); font-size: 14px;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">When finally done with its speech, it will grin</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">And say, "Now I hope that you're ready to WIN!"</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">For winning is what a Trump loves to do best.</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">"We'll be winning so much, you might get depressed."</div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: rgb(5, 5, 5); font-size: 14px;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">"I've won each and every game that I've played.</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Won every opinion I've ever conveyed.</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Won every debate, no matter the topic.</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">I once had a tie - I felt philanthropic."</div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: rgb(5, 5, 5); font-size: 14px;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Making a deal? It had no superior!</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Building a wall? The rest are inferior.</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">"My wall will be numero uno primero.</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">I'll pay for it using another's dinero."</div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: rgb(5, 5, 5); font-size: 14px;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">And there is the crux of the Americus Trumpus:</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">The swagger, the boasting, the over-sized rump-us.</div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: rgb(5, 5, 5); font-size: 14px;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Its bluster's exceeded by total flamboyance.</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">It even makes claims of having clairvoyance:</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">"I KNEW this would happen!" it says aplenty.</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Its hindsight is clocked at twenty and twenty.</div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: rgb(5, 5, 5); font-size: 14px;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">So, what should you do with a Trump running wild?</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">The answer is all up to you, my dear child.</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Run away screaming? Or maybe you fight it?</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Reason and logic will only incite it.</div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: rgb(5, 5, 5); font-size: 14px;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">You can cover your ears or run up a tree,</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">But the best thing to do is . . . turn off your TV.</div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: rgb(5, 5, 5); font-size: 14px;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">For all of the Trump's astounding uniqueness,</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">It certainly has a mysterious weakness:</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">A Trump loves to dine on hatred and violence;</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">It cannot endure a moment of silence.</div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: rgb(5, 5, 5); font-size: 14px;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">It's true! A Trump needs all of our noise to exist.</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Without chaos, it shrinks to a sad, orange disk.</div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: rgb(5, 5, 5); font-size: 14px;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">So, should you stumble upon one in the wood,</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">I'm not sure what you'll do; I know what you should.</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Don't respond to its brags, its taunts, or its jeers.</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">Ignoring a Trump is a Trump's biggest fear.</div></div><div class="x11i5rnm xat24cr x1mh8g0r x1vvkbs xtlvy1s x126k92a" style="white-space: pre-wrap; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin: 0.5em 0px 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; font-family: system-ui, -apple-system, BlinkMacSystemFont, ".SFNSText-Regular", sans-serif; caret-color: rgb(5, 5, 5); color: rgb(5, 5, 5); font-size: 14px;"><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">But, if that plan fails and it keeps coming forth,</div><div dir="auto" style="font-family: inherit;">I hear there's an absence of Trumps in the North</div></div></div><div><br></div><div dir="ltr"><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">http://www.MoscowCares.net</span></div><div><br></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div><br></div><div>“A stranger is just a friend you haven’t met.”</div><div>- Roy E. Stolworthy</div><div></div></div></body></html>