<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto">Courtesy of the <i>New Yorker</i> at:<div><br></div><div><a href="https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trump-produces-podiatrists-letter-to-avoid-serving-in-russian-army?utm_source=nl&utm_brand=tny&utm_mailing=TNY_Borowitz_020722&utm_campaign=aud-dev&utm_medium=email&bxid=5bea112b3f92a40469640747&cndid=24494982&hasha=fcf5f751d983fab314fe7ded63633933&hashb=6018563f5ade416eb6bc5de029040538e8428a87&hashc=5b2de1b62cf02ee03360af7fdb18f191bd4d6e9c5ea1abaf4247b3b6d1a52533&esrc=article-newsletter&utm_term=TNY_Borowitz">https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/trump-produces-podiatrists-letter-to-avoid-serving-in-russian-army?utm_source=nl&utm_brand=tny&utm_mailing=TNY_Borowitz_020722&utm_campaign=aud-dev&utm_medium=email&bxid=5bea112b3f92a40469640747&cndid=24494982&hasha=fcf5f751d983fab314fe7ded63633933&hashb=6018563f5ade416eb6bc5de029040538e8428a87&hashc=5b2de1b62cf02ee03360af7fdb18f191bd4d6e9c5ea1abaf4247b3b6d1a52533&esrc=article-newsletter&utm_term=TNY_Borowitz</a></div><div><br></div><div>————————————————-</div><div><h1 data-testid="ContentHeaderHed" class="BaseWrap-sc-TURhJ BaseText-fFzBQt ContentHeaderHed-kpvpFG eTiIvU fHXNkq klOfMA" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 44.20000076293945px; margin: 20px 0px 0px; --type-token: consumptionEditorial.hed-standard; font-family: IrvinHeadingWeb, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-feature-settings: normal; line-break: auto; line-height: 1.130090495492055em; font-weight: 400; overflow-wrap: normal; transition-property: color, background, text-shadow; transition-duration: 0.2s; transition-timing-function: ease-in-out; cursor: unset; grid-column-start: 1; grid-column-end: span 8; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Trump Produces Podiatrist’s Letter to Avoid Serving in Russian Army</h1></div><div><br></div><div><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 16pt; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;">PALM BEACH (<a href="https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report"><span style="color: black;">The Borowitz Report</span></a>)—Donald J. Trump has produced a letter from his podiatrist to avoid serving with the Russian forces massing on the border of Ukraine.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 16pt; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 16pt; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif;">Although Trump has not yet been drafted into the Russian Army, he has been “living in terror” of receiving a draft notice from Vladimir Putin, a source close to the former President said.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="paywall" style="margin-right: 0in; margin-left: 0in; font-size: medium; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 16pt;">“It wouldn’t be the first time Putin commanded him to do something,” the source said.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="paywall" style="margin-right: 0in; margin-left: 0in; font-size: medium; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; box-sizing: border-box; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><span style="font-size: 16pt;">According to the source, Trump has sent Putin the podiatrist’s note, which asserted that marching with the Russian Army would cause intolerable pain in his foot region.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="paywall" style="margin-right: 0in; margin-left: 0in; font-size: medium; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; box-sizing: border-box; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><span style="font-size: 16pt;">“He apologized to Putin for being unable to serve in the Russian Army, and recommended that he draft Tucker Carlson instead,” the source said.</span></p></div><div>————————————————-<br><br><div dir="ltr"><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">http://www.MoscowCares.net</span></div><div><br></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div><br></div><div>“A stranger is just a friend you haven’t met.”</div><div>- Roy E. Stolworthy</div><div></div></div></div></body></html>