<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto"><div>Courtesy of the <i>New Yorker</i> at:</div><div><br></div><div><a href="https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/texas-temporarily-forced-to-recognize-women-as-humans?utm_source=nl&utm_brand=tny&utm_mailing=TNY_Humor_100821&utm_campaign=aud-dev&utm_medium=email&bxid=5bea112b3f92a40469640747&cndid=24494982&esrc=article-newsletter&utm_term=TNY_Humor">https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/texas-temporarily-forced-to-recognize-women-as-humans?utm_source=nl&utm_brand=tny&utm_mailing=TNY_Humor_100821&utm_campaign=aud-dev&utm_medium=email&bxid=5bea112b3f92a40469640747&cndid=24494982&esrc=article-newsletter&utm_term=TNY_Humor</a></div><div><br></div><div>—————————————————-</div><div><h1 class="content-header__row content-header__hed" data-testid="ContentHeaderHed" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 44.2px; margin: 20px 0px 0px; grid-column-start: 1; grid-column-end: span 8; --type-token-name: consumptionEditorial.hed-standard; line-height: 1.13009em; font-family: IrvinHeadingWeb, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-weight: 400; font-feature-settings: normal; line-break: auto; overflow-wrap: normal; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Texas Temporarily Forced to Recognize Women as Humans</h1></div><div><br></div><div><p style="margin-right: 0in; margin-left: 0in; font-size: medium; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">AUSTIN (<a href="https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report" style="color: rgb(149, 79, 114); box-sizing: border-box; cursor: pointer; transition: color 200ms ease; line-height: inherit; text-decoration-line: underline;"><span style="color: black;">The Borowitz Report</span></a>)—In a judicial decision that has stirred controversy in the Lone Star State, Texas has been temporarily forced to recognize women as humans.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="paywall" style="margin-right: 0in; margin-left: 0in; font-size: medium; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; box-sizing: border-box; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">The incendiary decision, handed down by U.S. District Court Judge Robert Pitman, enables women to “come out of the shadows” and be granted rights similar to those enjoyed by other humans in Texas.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="paywall" style="margin-right: 0in; margin-left: 0in; font-size: medium; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">In an emotional press conference, the Texas governor, Greg Abbott, called the judge’s decision to confer human status on women “a dark day in the history of our great state.”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="paywall" style="margin-right: 0in; margin-left: 0in; font-size: medium; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; box-sizing: border-box; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">He warned that the state could face mass immigration from women “once word gets out that Texas considers them equivalent to human beings.”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="paywall" style="margin-right: 0in; margin-left: 0in; font-size: medium; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; box-sizing: border-box; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">“The voters of Texas did not put me in office to allow women to be treated as humans,” he said, choking back tears. “As long as I can draw a breath, this will not stand.”</span></p></div>—————————————————-<br><br><div dir="ltr"><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">http://www.MoscowCares.net</span></div><div><br></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div><br></div><div>“A stranger is just a friend you haven’t met.”</div><div>- Roy E. Stolworthy</div><div></div></div></body></html>