<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto"><div>Courtesy of the New Yorker at:</div><div><br></div><div><a href="https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/fauci-says-nausea-and-splitting-headache-are-symptoms-of-talking-to-rand-paul?utm_source=nl&utm_brand=tny&utm_mailing=TNY_Borowitz_051221&utm_campaign=aud-dev&utm_medium=email&bxid=5bea112b3f92a40469640747&cndid=24494982&hasha=fcf5f751d983fab314fe7ded63633933&hashb=6018563f5ade416eb6bc5de029040538e8428a87&hashc=5b2de1b62cf02ee03360af7fdb18f191bd4d6e9c5ea1abaf4247b3b6d1a52533&esrc=NYR_BOROWITZ_BLOG&mbid=mbid%3DCRMNYR012019&utm_term=TNY_Borowitz">https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/fauci-says-nausea-and-splitting-headache-are-symptoms-of-talking-to-rand-paul?utm_source=nl&utm_brand=tny&utm_mailing=TNY_Borowitz_051221&utm_campaign=aud-dev&utm_medium=email&bxid=5bea112b3f92a40469640747&cndid=24494982&hasha=fcf5f751d983fab314fe7ded63633933&hashb=6018563f5ade416eb6bc5de029040538e8428a87&hashc=5b2de1b62cf02ee03360af7fdb18f191bd4d6e9c5ea1abaf4247b3b6d1a52533&esrc=NYR_BOROWITZ_BLOG&mbid=mbid%3DCRMNYR012019&utm_term=TNY_Borowitz</a></div><div><br></div><div>—————————————————</div><div><h1 class="content-header__row content-header__hed" data-testid="ContentHeaderHed" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 44.2px; margin: 20px 0px 0px; grid-column-start: 1; grid-column-end: span 8; --type-token-name: consumptionEditorial.hed-standard; line-height: 1.13009em; font-family: IrvinHeadingWeb, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-weight: 400; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Fauci Says Nausea and Splitting Headache Are Symptoms of Talking to Rand Paul</h1></div><div><br></div><div><p style="margin-right: 0in; margin-left: 0in; font-size: medium; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; margin-top: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 16pt;">WASHINGTON (<a href="http://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report" style="color: rgb(149, 79, 114); box-sizing: border-box; cursor: pointer; transition: color 200ms ease; line-height: inherit;"><span style="color: black;">The Borowitz Report</span></a>)—Anthony Fauci has revealed that nausea and a splitting headache are two common symptoms of talking to Rand Paul.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="paywall" style="margin-right: 0in; margin-left: 0in; font-size: medium; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; box-sizing: border-box; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><span style="font-size: 16pt;">The esteemed virologist disclosed that he had taken part in a clinical study that required him to converse with the senator from Kentucky several times in a one-year period.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="paywall" style="margin-right: 0in; margin-left: 0in; font-size: medium; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; box-sizing: border-box; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><span style="font-size: 16pt;">In addition to nausea and headaches, those who come in contact with Paul’s voice may experience “a sensation of wanting to be anywhere but there,” Fauci said.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="paywall" style="margin-right: 0in; margin-left: 0in; font-size: medium; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 16pt;">“After thirty seconds of him talking, bam, it hits you,” he said. “You have to lie down in a dark room someplace.”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="paywall" style="margin-right: 0in; margin-left: 0in; font-size: medium; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; box-sizing: border-box; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><span style="font-size: 16pt;">To avoid these symptoms, Fauci recommended social distancing from Paul “as much as possible.”<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="paywall" style="margin-right: 0in; margin-left: 0in; font-size: medium; font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; box-sizing: border-box; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;"><span style="font-size: 16pt;">The virologist said that he deserved no special credit for subjecting himself to the Rand Paul experiment. “I was just doing my job as a scientist,” he said. “I talked to Rand Paul so that the American people wouldn’t have to.”</span></p></div>—————————————————<br><br><div dir="ltr"><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><br></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">“I’m a Card-Carrying, Bleeding-Heart Liberal”</span></div><div><a href="http://www.tomandrodna.com/MoscowCares/Songs/Im_a_Card_Carrying_Bleeding_Heart_Liberal.mp3">http://www.tomandrodna.com/MoscowCares/Songs/Im_a_Card_Carrying_Bleeding_Heart_Liberal.mp3</a></div><div><br></div><div>“A stranger is just a friend you haven’t met.”</div><div>- Roy E. Stolworthy</div><div></div></div></body></html>