<html><head><meta http-equiv="content-type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"></head><body dir="auto"><div dir="ltr">Courtesy of the <i>New Yorker</i> at:<div><br></div><div><a href="https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/shrinking-qanon-to-merge-with-elvis-conspiracy-theory">https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/shrinking-qanon-to-merge-with-elvis-conspiracy-theory</a></div><div><br></div><div>————————————————-</div><div><h1 class="content-header__row content-header__hed" data-testid="ContentHeaderHed" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 44.2px; margin: 20px 0px 0px; grid-column-start: 1; grid-column-end: span 8; --type-token-name: consumptionEditorial.hed-standard; line-height: 1.13009em; font-family: IrvinHeadingWeb, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-weight: 400; -webkit-text-size-adjust: 100%;">Shrinking QAnon to Merge with Elvis Conspiracy Theory</h1></div><div><br></div><div><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">MEMPHIS (<a href="https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report"><span style="color: black;">The Borowitz Report</span></a>)—QAnon, which has hemorrhaged supporters since Inauguration Day, has announced that it is merging with the conspiracy theory that claims Elvis Presley is still alive.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">The announcement, made at a press conference in a parking lot across the street from Graceland, Presley’s longtime home, was seen as a bid to prevent QAnon from vanishing altogether.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">The overture to the Elvis conspiracy theorists came after QAnon proposed a similar merger with the National Rifle Association, which declined, citing difficulties of its own.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">At the press conference, Harland Dorrinson, a QAnon spokesman, was upbeat about the new joint venture, which will be known as QElvis.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">“We are proud to be joining forces with the Elvis conspiracy theory, which has been going strong ever since that fateful day in 1977 when Elvis didn’t die,” Dorrinson said.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Tracy Klugian, representing the Elvis theorists, denied that there had been friction between the two groups as they hammered out the merger, and dispelled rumors that the Elvis faction had attempted to downplay the QAnon faction’s obsession with cannibals.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in; font-size: 11pt; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><span style="font-size: 14pt; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">“Absolutely untrue,” Klugian said. “Every member of QElvis is committed to one simple truth: that Elvis is still alive, and that his death was faked by George Soros and Hillary Clinton.”<o:p></o:p></span></p></div><div><br></div>————————————————-<br><br><div dir="ltr"><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Seeya 'round town, Moscow, because . . .</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"Moscow Cares" (the most fun you can have with your pants on)</span></div><div><a href="http://www.moscowcares.com/">http://www.moscowcares.com/</a></div><div><br></div><div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Tom Hansen</span></div><div><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Moscow, Idaho</span></div></div><div>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size:14.0pt;font-family:"Arial",sans-serif">“A
stranger is just a friend you haven't met.” - Roy E. Stolworthy</span></p></div></div></div></body></html>